High School Friend Not Fucking Around About Getting Drinks
Though you were into the idea of getting drinks at first, the continued forcefulness of her request has left you weary.
Jenny Posting About Show Everyone Else Watched Four Months Ago
“Her request for no spoilers was particularly offensive.”
Man Mistakenly Catcalls Particularly Voluptuous Pool Float
“He could just accept his catcall didn’t go over well and move on,” says Fitzgerald.
Woman Spends Another Night Constantly Reminding Friends ‘My Purse Is Right Here!’
“If someone comes sniffing around our stuff, I want people to know my purse is over there.”
Woman Takes Bumpit Out of Hair After Accidentally Leaving it in for a Decade
“I forgot they even existed, but one had actually been on my head for years.”
New Dating App Allows Your Mom to Set You Up with Young Men Who Seem Nice
The app also features hourly “just get back out there” alerts.
Man Spends More Time Staging Dick Pic Than Considering If Woman Wants to See It
“I think she probably liked the picture a lot,” says Jones.
Woman Becomes Only Black Friend To 100th White Person
“I’ve always wanted a black friend,” said Heather Fellows, Fordham’s Pilates instructor and white friend #86.
Man in Male-Dominated Field Says Being a Woman is Actually an Advantage
“That can’t be right,” said Campos. “I’d hire a woman if I could. They just aren’t as interested in engineering as men are.”
Cave Painting Shows Woman Moving Pile of Clothes From Bed Rock to Floor Rock
The only question archaeologists can’t answer is why the woman never just put her clothes away on her dresser rock.
Tiffany Has A Headboard Now Like Some Fucking Aristocrat
…like she’s a member of the landed gentry to be waited on fucking hand and foot.
Scientists Reveal The Real Reason We Have Sex And They Don’t
Finally! Science has discovered a reason for why many humans choose to have sex, while scientists do not.
Woman Arrives Late With Coffee and Breakfast From Two Different Places
“She said the trains were all fucked,” says her boss, Amadi Lanata.
Tampax Introduces New Tampon That Screams When it’s Ready to Come Out
Users can choose between “high pitched screech,” “guttural sob,” or “woman saying ‘oh my god no.’”
Scientists Discover How to Fucking Text Me Back
“It’s not that hard, asshole,” says lead researcher Saanvi Agarwal.
Woman Asking For Googleable Directions As Though Technology Nonexistent
Why is she asking me to type in directions for her like she didn’t just text me on a phone?
Even Pointy ‘S’ Drawing Thing From Middle School to Wed This Summer
According to rumors, the pointy ‘S’ thing is marrying her college boyfriend, who works in finance.
Fuckboy Blossoms Into Fuckman
Just as he did nearly a decade ago, John still thinks Tosh.0 is the funniest show on television.