DOJ Investigating People Who Don’t Use Punctuation In Happy Birthday Facebook Posts
Why would you say ‘Happy Birthday’ with no puncuation not even a period? It’s insane.
Exhumed Remains of Frida Kahlo Confirm She Wasn’t Wearing the Right Bra Size, Either
That’s right: Frida Kahlo spent her entire life wearing the wrong bra size, just like nearly 100% of all women today.
Man With Successful Trading Career Won’t Invest In Second Set Of Sheets
“Why would you need more than one? I only have one bed.”
Caitlin Hospitalized After Harrowing Encounter With Facebook ‘On This Day’ Feature
Luckily, Caitlin’s incident was not fatal, though she has months, if not years of therapy ahead of her.
Tessa Obviously Thinking About Her Boyfriend While You Talk to Her
Apparently, your work problem shouldn’t have to matter to her since she has a boyfriend now.
Jessica Unaware of Her Never-Had-a-UTI Privilege
No one was interested in hearing about Jessica’s “other struggles.”
Health Experts Report Sitting is the New Smoking and Yes All the Cool Kids Are Doing It
“The new slow death is all about plunking your butt down, then just ignoring your Fitbit.”
College Admission Should Be Based On Merit. Merit Wilkins, My White Grandpa Who Donated The Science Building
After all, I am based on him, genetically speaking, and it’s only fair that I get what I’ve earned.
This Boyfriend’s Vocabulary Includes 47 Words to Describe IPAs But None to Describe Your Doctoral Thesis
“Wow,” said Dylan after you described chapter six of your dissertation to him.
Jacqueline Finally Over Her Post-Breakup Depression And Back To Her Regular Depression
“I’m so thankful to be over it and back to my normal existential angst.”
Selfish Asshole Actually Kind of Sweet When Getting Road Head On The Reg
“There’s something about Stephanie that’s really different from other girls when she’s giving me road head.”
Study Suggests Female Employees Who Are Paid Fairly Spend Less Company Time Online Selling Panties
“What the hell? Just pay us more.”
Friend Who Already Eats Less Carbs Than You Trying to Eat Less Carbs
“Why does she need to eat less carbs when she already eats the least out of all of us?”
The Average Woman Spends 45% of Her Time Forgetting to Do Her Laundry
Wait…did I finish that second load? No, no I didn’t. Fuck.”
Woman Getting Pedicure Regrets Not Wearing Panties With Her Dress
“I tried tucking my dress between my thighs, I tried using my purse as a barrier. It was hopeless.”
Meet Jennifer Maltby, America’s First Openly Basic Mayor
Her slogan was the pithy and effective, “More Dogs!”