Broke Friend Forced to Dip Into Savings
“Since dipping into my never-before-mentioned savings account, I’m so worried about my financial future!”
Woman Changes Email Signature To ‘Sorry’
“Now I’ve spared myself countless hours of regretful correspondence by putting the apology directly into my signature.”
Woman in $16,000 Venmo Debt to Former Brunch Companions
“It really feels like I’m paying though, because I’m saying that I’ll Venmo them!”
Anna ‘Humbled’ By Being Talented, Sexy, Funny, and Amazing
“I’m just humbled that all these people are completely obsessed with my ability to be humble.”
Woman’s Attempt to Pluck Hair Reaches Stalemate
“I felt like I was losing my grip on reality along with my hair.”
Witnesses Stunned After Subway Manspreader Rips In Half
“It was awful, there was blood everywhere. But it was kind of nice to see that karma is real.”
Bad Feminist Still Hasn’t Read Bad Feminist
“I promise, I keep meaning to read it!” she shouted, as a crowd of women slowly closed in around her.
Kinder: A New Dating App Exclusively for Men with Kind Eyes
The algorithm reads their eye-vibes and assesses the likelihood that they’ve donated to charity.
Woman Accused of Murder Acquitted on the ‘You Do You’ Defense
A juror for the trial was quoted as saying, “Preach.”
Mother Pledges To Get Cancer When Teen Daughter Shaves Head
“She was such a gorgeous redhead, I’d rather drop dead than look at what she’s done to her hair.”
Gap Announces New Pre-Ripped Crotch-Hole Jeans
“These jeans are made to feel like your favorite pair that you wear so much you’ve ruined them.”
Haley Too Far Into ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ Karaoke To Turn Back
She clearly underestimated how great of a singer Freddie Mercury was.
48% of Voters Still Can’t Forgive Hillary for What Bill Did
“She seems like she would make Bill leave your Super Bowl party early or something.”
Study: 100% of Rachel’s Mom Expects Grandchildren
100% of Rachel’s Mom is prepared to pay for 50% of Rachel’s future wedding.
Ballpark Proposal Wasted On Cubs Game
“I’d rather give birth at a White Sox game than get engaged at a Cubs game.”
Researchers Discover Woman Who Still Uses Checks
She had the audacity to take out her ledger and balance her checkbook in public!