‘Don’t Be So Dramatic,’ Says Boyfriend Who Punches Walls
“I have to go blow off some steam,” he responded before going into the bathroom to fuck up the shower.
Woman Spends Five Years Grooming Boyfriend to be Great Husband to Lisa
“Joel has always just been really attentive,” Lisa says, largely unaware of his past training.
Sesame Street Introduces First Character That’s a Scientologist
Storylines will include an episode where Elmo watches “Going Clear” and cannot look Serenity in the eye.
Scientists Don’t Recommend Derek’s Apartment
Scientists conclude that Derek’s apartment is categorically “completely fucking disgusting.”
Heather’s Plan To Quietly Elope Somehow Involves You
Your sense of relief was shattered when Heather texted, “I’d love for you to be there.”
Ex-Boyfriend Somehow Able to Feel Joy After Losing You
Sources confirm that, no, we are not just fucking with you.
Study Finds Straight Women Have The Fewest Orgasms, But Keep Fucking Jeff Anyway
These groundbreaking findings have researchers wondering, “Why though?”
Woman Who Says She Needs Coffee Actually Needs Entirely New Life
“She walked out of the meeting and went straight to the coffee maker. That’s not right.”
Women’s Conversation Just a String of Apologies for Being Terrible at Communication
“I know, I’m the wooooorst. Like, the woooooooooorst.”
Woman Wearing Same Shirt For a Week Packs 42 Different Vacation Outfits
“I figured on vacation I’d probably change six times a day or so.”
Woman’s Savings Account Just Money She Forgot About in Venmo
When questioned about her savings strategy, she explained, “I just forgot.”
Baby’s First Words Are, ‘I’m Not Here to Make Friends’
When asked to comment, Cecily rolled her eyes and threw her pacifier in disgust.
Study Finds Advice More Effective When It Begins With ‘Girl…’
The control group, who was given no advice one way or another, would also not stop texting that scrub.
Roommate Just Going to Start Having That Guy Over All the Time Now
“So I guess this is a thing now.”
Uber CEO Hires Psychic to Get to The Bottom of All The Bad Vibes in Here
“Somewhere along the line, our culture has become corrupted with a lot of mysterious bad vibes.”
Mom Demands to Know How You Plan On Enjoying This Nice Weather
“Maybe you should take a walk down by the water,” she insisted in a threatening tone.
Emily Wants To Know If You’d Spend $50 On A Shitty Beanie She Made
Other friends are experiencing this push from Emily as well.