Dead Grandmother Too Busy Fucking James Dean In Heaven to Read Your Instagram Dedication
“I was making sweet love to James Dean in the ether for hours. At least I think it was hours.”
Study Shows Rearranging Room Will Change Nothing and You’ll Be Sad Forever
No amount of pushing your bed to the other side of the room will result in you feeling less depressed.
Wow! This Man Who Thinks Women Matter Doesn’t Even Have Daughters
“I bet he has a daughter he’s hiding somewhere.”
Woman Approaching Sweet Spot Between Complaining About the Cold and Complaining About the Heat
“It’s so rare that I get to go outside and feel neutral about the weather,” said Linda.
Kombucha Scoby Just Tilda Swinton’s Brain
“I can’t believe I consistently pay $5 to drink that woman’s cerebrum.”
Black Friend Unenthusiastic Over Hailey’s Spring Break Cornrows
“I don’t get why she’s so unimpressed,” said Hailey.
Woman Who Shops with Reusable Tote Gets Iced Coffee To Go Every Day
“Totes are saving the world, just like me.”
Wealthy Bitch Bragging About Going to the Dentist Again
“That bitch has dental insurance? Must be nice.”
Only Consistent Thing In Woman’s Life is Poop Schedule
“My butthole is my CEO and it is an incredibly reliable boss.”
‘You Could Always Move Home,’ Reports Mom Through Shimmering Tears Of Glee
“You know, just to get you back on your feet.”
Lauren Posts On Facebook To See If Anyone Is Planning To Drive From New York To Amarillo Next Weekend
Wow! This Woman Missed Her Flight Waiting Until Her Neighbors Were Out Of The Hallway
“I’ve also missed parties, job interviews, first dates, all in the name of not having to talk to my neighbors.”
‘I Would Never Date a Black Woman’, Says Man Who No Black Woman Would Ever Date
Black women don’t seem bothered by Preston’s taste in women.