Dana Brushing Up On Classmates’ Worst Flaws Before High School Reunion
“Oh, look at me, now I’m getting all nostalgic!”
Hero Woman Leaves Sephora Without Buying Anything
Witnesses were shocked and amazed. Security guards were baffled.
Twitter Scholar Helpfully Points Out Logical Fallacy In Meghan’s Joke
Meghan quickly took the tweet down and posted an apology.
Courtney Not Sure Which Cracked Phone Is Hers At This Party
“Mine is the one with the crack down the middle… Wait, so is Sabrina’s…. And Katy’s, for that matter.”
Man Too Busy to Send ‘Happy Birthday’ Text Somehow Finds Time to Leave Voicemail of Himself Cumming
Henry’s schedule prevented him from being available for comment.
Woman So Pissed That She Actually Cleans
Despite Marshall’s flurry of activity, none of her personal issues were resolved in any way.
New Bill Requires Women Seeking Abortions to Paint Still Life of Fetus
Under the new law, women would be responsible for purchasing all their own oil paints, easels, canvases, brushes, and gesso.
‘I Wish I Knew How to Help Innocent Syrians,’ Says Woman Who Just Googled Wine Stain Removal
“Being this helpless is a nightmare,” she lamented.
Woman Still Haunted By Missed Field Hockey Goal in 2003
“The goal would have led to our first appearance at State Sectionals since 1991.”
School’s Insanely Detailed Prom Dress Code Has a Seven-Page Foreword By Kate’s Mom
Kate has yet to comment on her mother’s actions.
Man Who’s Afraid of Commitment Also Has No One Willing to Commit to Him
Although this is an ongoing story, reporters do not anticipate anything unfolding for a very long time.
‘You Make Me Want to Be a Better Man’ Just Veiled Excuse For Being Worse Man
“Exactly. That’s the problem: He literally doesn’t get better,” says Harris.
Trans Woman in Public Restroom is Scary Good At Makeup
“She made it look so easy. I found myself reaching for my phone to call someone for help.”
‘Devil’s Advocate Boy’ Statue Erected On Wall Street Next To ‘Fearless Girl’
His sole purpose is to explain the opposing side of ‘Fearless Girl’ even though no one asked him.
Drunk Self Goes to Bed Without Washing Your Face Again
Experts say this may be because she is a fucking selfish bitch.