Ugh, I Hate Taking Compliments! Please Just Leave Gifts at My Feet
Larger gifts on the right, small tokens of appreciation on the left, please and thank you.
I Never Said I Was Perfect, So You Can’t Get Mad at Me
Any time some chick gets mad at me, it’s like, are on your period? Ha, just playin’.
Help! Society Turned Me Into An Alpha Woman Unable to Love Sexist Men
This isn’t the future my mother told me about!
I’m Just Looking For a Nice Guy Who Doesn’t Lead With That
Is that too much to ask? It is? Hm, okay.
Why I’m Choosing to Blame Adele’s GRAMMY Wins on Taylor Swift
This has nothing to do with Adele. Adele is perfect.
I Realized I Wasn’t Doing Self-Care Right, So I Cut My Hair and Started a New Life
And now, no one can tell me any differently!
Why I Decided Not to Go Out Tonight, Unless Someone Begs Me To
It’s only 7pm – I’m just saying, the ball’s in your court.
Now Is The Time When Women Must Organize (Or At Least Put Everything Into Piles)
Only then can women take down the oppressive egomaniacs currently running the country.
I Will Not Go Quietly Back to The 1950s No Matter What My Mid-Century Furniture Implies
But I do love the Jell-O molds.
I Am Resisting Trump The Only Way I Know How: By Releasing Doves Into the Subway
I’ll see you at Teavana.
Why I’m Getting Off Facebook But Staying On My High Horse
I don’t need the validation from a bunch of “likes,” “loves,” or “wows” to tell me that!
I Took a Year Off Dating to Find Myself and It Led Me to the Perfect Man, Thank God
And then hopefully you’ll never have to do it again!
Excuse Me, I Am Very Proud of My Stupid Fucking Body
I know it’s a stupid fucking body, but it’s my stupid fucking body.
Daycare Costs More Than I Would Be Making At Work, So I Just Let My Children Loose In The Woods
If they get cold, all they need to do is dig a massive hole in the ground and burrow in and just wait it out.
Who Has TIME to Watch All These New TV Shows? Turns Out, I Do
I’m so lonely but that’s not what this is about right now.
I Prefer Meeting People The Old-Fashioned Way, By Mailing Myself to Them in a Box
Sadly, things have become much less personal since then.