Why I Make My Child Eat Straight From a Trough – And So Should You!
The forward-downward ingesting pose allows her to eat with an elongated bowel position.
I Don’t Know, Jeff, Are We Ready To Order?
I have my order memorized, and you’re still farting around looking at appetizers.
I Don’t Know Why I Keep Breaking Guy’s Dicks
Sooner or later I’ll meet a man whose dick was built strong enough to endure my super-strong vagina.
It’s Not You, It’s Me Pretending It’s Not You
It’s not your fault; it’s my fault for always saying that it’s not your fault.
I Got My Energy Back When I Gave Up Eating My Hair
I worked with a registered Hair Diet nutritionist to cut back, rather than eliminate hair all together.
We Call It A Book Group, But All We Do Is Drink Wine And Worship The Devil
Who am I kidding? We hardly talk about the book at all.
My Mom Only Had Me So She Could Be Friends With Helen
It’s hard for women to remain friends when one has a child and the other doesn’t. That’s the reason I exist.
Stop Body-Shaming Me About My Tail
As a teenager, I would stay up late reading magazines, and never once did I see a model who looked like me.
Was It Inhumane to Eat My Own Chia Pet?
I demolished Garfield as fast as Garfield demolishes lasagna.
People Don’t Say It, But My Daughter and I Could Be Sisters
You can tell me I’ve aged well; I won’t be offended!
2015 Will Be My Year, Starting in February
Everyone knows the year really gets going in February, anyway.
In Case I Go Missing, Please Use This Cute Picture of Me on the Flyers
So please. When I eventually get kidnapped, please use this picture.