Is It Really My Birthday If I Don’t Have A Huge Party With A Bunch Of People I Never Speak To Who Don’t Give A Shit About Me?
I’m Not Like Other Girls. I’m A Self-Help Guru Running For Healer Of The Free World I’m a full-grown cult leader here to change the spiritual fabric of this dying corporeal world we call a “nation.”
Allow Me To Set You Up With Some Guy There are so many reasons why you would be perfect together. One, you’re a single woman. Two, he’s a single guy!
If All Student Loan Debt Is Cancelled, How Will I Have An Automatic Advantage Over My Peers? What good is freedom once everybody has it?
How I Make $100,000 a Year From Home by Being Married to My Husband, Mr. Slick Dick Richy Rich I’ve unlocked the key to financial freedom!
DUDE CORNER: Most Guys Just Want Sex, But I Would Be Okay With Hand Stuff I believe in a woman’s right to choose.
I LIVED IT: My Younger Sibling Is Taller Than Me It was devastating to learn my parents were also involved.
I LIVED IT: My Crush Didn’t Know Their Birth Time I guess I’ll never know how compatible we are, because there’s literally no way for me to find out.
Is America Ready For A President Who Doesn’t Leave A Few Drops Of Piss On The Floor In Front Of Every Toilet? It’s simply never been done.
I Don’t Need My Presidential Candidate to be Likable, but I Do Need Them to Know All The Lyrics to Salt-N-Pepa’s ‘Shoop’ See lyric: “Girls, What’s our weakness? Men!” for reference.
Sure, I’ll Put My Baby Up for Adoption as Soon as I’m Out of the Foster System This trustworthy, totally functional system sure did right by me!
What Surprised Me Most About Becoming a Parent Was That I Was Forced To by The Government I am a mere vessel forced to carry out this pregnancy.
If Life Begins at Conception, Maybe We Should Cut Off All the Dicks Now Instead of going back and forth on who deserves what, we could just end this by severing every dick, once and for all.
I Believe God Gave Us All Free Will – Except Pregnant Women Someday, these women are gonna thank me for forcing them into not sinning.
Life is Sacred, That’s Why This Nonviable Fetus Should Stay Inside Me So We Can Both Die I’m so lucky to have become a mother who could soon be dead, along with her child.
Dear Disney: Why Is There No Property Brothers Ride? When will Disney break their silence on this glaring omission from their brand?
White Woman Speaks: I Prefer to Use the Term African-American, Regardless of Where a Black Person is From My African-American British barista has reminded me of that several times.
I Love Having Tattoos, But I Wish More Men Would Stop Me and Talk to Me About Them Seriously, what’s the point of having tattoos if not to get specifically guys to look at me?
Stop Asking Disabled People If We Can Have Sex And Start Asking Us How To Pronounce Sex, Because You’re Pronouncing It ‘Sax’ How do I pronounce the word spelled S-E-X?
Why I Want My Funeral to Be Open-Casket and Also Fully Nude I want to go out of this world the way I came in: with my bare boobs and clam out, for all to see.
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