Why I Stopped Wearing Makeup and Started Wearing This Stupid Hat It’s the only thing anyone really sees when they look at me.
My Boyfriend Is Perfect, Except for His Inverted Ass My grandma offhandedly mentioned that he’s got an ass “like two empty bowls.”
I Like Hanging With My Friends, But I LOVE Playing With My Pubes My pubes and I are on the same page.
I Started Lifting Weights To Empower Myself – and Give Crushing Handjobs Just gripping his dick can draw blood.
Motherhood Is Hard, But It’s Also Filled with Neverending Judgment Nothing is more rewarding than the unsolicited feedback.
I Lived It: Someone Asked What Kind of Music I Listen To “Oh, you know. I listen to all kinds of stuff.”
I Lived It: I Stayed in One Apartment Long Enough to Have to Learn How You Clean Ovens “The oven is not broken. The oven is dirty and you need to clean it.”
I Lived It: Alison Used My Birthday Party to Show Everyone Her New Belly Button Piercing Suddenly everyone was asking Alison questions like “did it hurt?” and calling her “brave” and “trail-blazing.”
I Lived It: Gigi Hadid Is 23 Learning that a woman with a net worth of $13 million was born in 1995 almost killed me.
I Lived It: My Rich Friend Ordered Sparkling Water for the Table I had no choice but to accept that I’d be paying for half of this dumb indulgence
I Don’t Want Children Because I Am Perfectly Fulfilled Raising My Boyfriend It’s an incredible journey to watch a man become a regular, functioning human.
I Stopped Worrying About My Career to Focus on Worrying About My Boyfriend’s Putting pressure on him and feeling shitty about his life is much easier for me than feeling all those things about mine.
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