My Hair Bows Prove I Was Raised Middle Class Once I started buying hair bows and tying them into my hair, literally everything changed.
Wait What? I Wasn’t Listening. You what? I’m sorry, in what context? Can we just dial it back like two-and-a-half minutes?
Confession: I Never Learned How To Express Myself, Or Whatever Growing up in a broken family, I never learned how to express myself, or whatever.
Finally! I Have Enough Pain for a One-Woman Show! Moving to NYC would be all the pain I ever needed for a groundbreaking performance.
Confession: I’m Okay with Getting Candy Crush Notifications Isaac once helped me get back to my dorm safely so seeing this alert made me smile.
White Woman Speaks: I Don’t Have Any Cash On Me Cash-only restaurants are really hurting themselves, but more importantly they are hurting me.
Five Reasons Why I’m the Cool Mom, Okay Tiffany? Hey, remember that one time I didn’t let you die for 16 years? Because dying is gross and so not cool? Yeah, so do I.
I Will NOT Infantilize My Baby! We would also be grateful if you would refrain from ever playing got-your-nose with her
Confession: I Don’t Know How Money Works “We’re cutting you off.” I didn’t get it. Cut me off? Of what?
Why His Phone Definitely, Definitely Ran Out of Battery If he doesn’t text back in the next ten minutes, then something’s definitely wrong.
I Have No Fucking Idea How I’m Supposed to Feel About Coldplay Coldplay is either the worst excuse for a major rock group in the history of music, or my favorite band.
I Swear, the Only Candy I Like is Dark Chocolate Desserts and candies are just icky to me. Why are they sooo sweet?!
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