I Want My Boyfriend to Murder My Vagina Because It Won’t Stop Singing ‘Tomorrow Belongs to Me’ from ‘Cabaret’ “There is no time to waste because my vagina might be a literal Nazi.”
Here’s What Happened When I Stopped Drinking Coffee in the Morning and Replaced it with Just Different Coffee “If I gave up coffee but drank other coffee long-term, I’m sure I’d continue to see no actual changes.”
You’re My Type, So Congratulations, You’ve Passed The First Test Out of Five Thousand “If you fail one, I won’t be able to assume the risk of dating you.”
I Didn’t Just Eat My Placenta – I Ate My Pregnancy Test, Too When you love your unborn child as much as I do, you are willing to go the extra mile no matter what.
I Gave Up Eating Sugar So I Could Focus Solely On Eating Ass Now, whenever I want to reach for a Twix, I nosh on an ass instead.
I Did 23andMe and Traced My Ancestors Back to the Raccoon Nest Under My Deck All this time my ancestors have been living under my house and gnawing through the foundation!
Whatever Your Opinion on Taylor Swift Is, I Have the Only Correct One To any other praise or criticism of Taylor Swift I say, “Nope!” Taylor is exactly how I envision her, and that’s it.
Has Feminism Gone Too Far Now That It Is Specifically Critiquing Me? Attacking other women, in this case exclusively me, is against everything feminism stands for.
I Am A BBG Girl, You Know, A Brooklyn Botanical Garden Girl The first day as a BBG girl totally kicked my butt. Who knew the Botanical Garden was so big!
When a Guy Sleeps With Everyone, He’s A ‘Stud,’ When I Do It, I ‘Have Chlamydia’ I wish more women could say, “I am a sexual being and I am proud!” I also wish I could say, “I do not have chlamydia.”
I Thought Life Couldn’t Surprise Me Anymore. Then My Custom Salad Came Out to $1,950,300 At least I can warn you all now: Just stick to the premade salads.
I’m Not Like Other Girls. I’m Much, Much Worse. When I say I’m “not like them,” I mean I’m a fucking monster.
I Can’t Tell When People Are Flirting With Me or When They’re An Army of the Undead Hm. They’re totally moving toward me though, and that kind of throws me off.
I Was Told I Was Too Pretty To Be a CEO. Here’s Why I Became a Show Pony Instead I am so pretty I can’t even understand myself! Neiiiigh! See? Nonsense!!
My Wedding Dress Is Made Out of Toilet Paper and He’s a Pile of Shit So It’s Perfect But I do have a beautiful gown perfect for my big day and for wiping up my shitsack of a man!
As A Mother, One Of The Toughest Challenges I Face Is Teaching My Mother About Racial Injustice In America I knew being a mother would be challenging, but I never thought the hardest part would be my racist mom.
Why I Decided to Take My Husband’s Name But Keep My Mom as My Emergency Contact My hubby isn’t great at certain things: like being reliable, or on time for important events, or answering his phone.
Now That I’m In Ketosis, I Can See The Murders I Committed Were Just The Carbs Talking When I eat carbs, I turn into a blood-hungry criminal mastermind. Now I know why!
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