Why I’m Waiting Until Marriage To Get A Divorce
I believe that getting divorced outside of marriage is a huge mistake.
I Can’t Come Because I Have Genital Warts… I Mean Cramps
Being a woman means getting sidelined by a monthly visitor: genital warts. I mean cramps.
I’m Just Living for the Next Time a Celebrity Falls Down
Every time a celebrity falls down, I just know that the next two weeks of my life are set.
Eat, Pray, L— Actually, I’m Still Kind of Hungry
I know what is missing from my life: love. And something kind of sweet and savory at the same time.
I Saw Jesus in My Period Stain—Right In Front of my Crush!
My face was as red as the miraculous splotch of the Holy Spirit!
Ways To Not Be Crazy And Listen To Me
Be the Mayor of my Kitchen and jerk me off while you grill me a sandwich.
I Just Don’t Get How to Make Sock Puppets
The ones I make have “scary teeth” according to my husband, who’s now distant.
Hollywood Needs More Ugly Roles For Beautiful Actresses
This isn’t about trying to get an Oscar, although I wouldn’t turn it down if someone offered it to me.
I Want A Casket That Hugs My Curves
Not everybody’s a rectangle, okay? I’m more like a voluptuous pear.
Look; It’s Either Me, or Her, or Her, or the Other One
No more of this side-girl or side-side-girl. And definitely no side-side-side girls!
Who Among Us Hasn’t Fabricated A Terminal Illness?
What has society come to, that we attack each other over a common money-making cancer scam?
I Got Catfished on LinkedIn
The internet is a cold place where nothing is as it seems: one minute you think you’re having an engaging...
Why My Children Are Cage-Free
Sometimes I worry about little Shane and Kendall when they go out on their “night walks”.
My Best Friend Told Me She Just Wants To Be Friends
I’m pretty sure she was emotionally cheating on me with her, but whatever.
Why Are Trans People Always Trying to Watch Me Pee?
Why must they doggedly pursue a scintillating glimpse of my urinating body? Why?
You’re A Gemini? That’s Why You’re So Flaky!
Wow, all of your worst qualities really make sense to me now!
How a Himalayan Salt Lamp Calmed My Anxiety and Stopped My Day Murders
Within a few days of basking in its soothing light, my murderous impulses greatly subsided.