When Will I Be Old Enough to Get Away With Harassing Women?
Do I have to retire to get in on the “tacitly accepted” sexual harassment action?
Is it Wrong to Love My Son So Much I Want to Kiss Him On the Mouth?
He and I have known each other for a long time (and also we’re related), so shit could get complicated if things ever escalated between us.
My Smoky Eyes Turned Out To Be Glaucoma
“I still see hope for eyes that drive men wild, although I can’t see much else at the moment.”
I’m Sorry I Said, ‘Sorry Not Sorry’
Now entered into an apology spiral that has left the word “sorry” devoid of meaning.
To The Girl Who Replaced Me: He Has Two Buttholes
I also hope his parasitic second butthole doesn’t absorb the first one and ruin your vacation.
I Have More Validation Than I Know What To Do With
“I’m begging you- please, spend your time validating someone less fortunate than me.”
I Was an Unpaid Intern to My Three Children For 18 Years
“With little hope of leveraging this into a paid position, I’m beginning to feel like the system has taken advantage of me.”
How to Stop Slut-Shaming Your Whore Sister
It’s great that she’s so comfortable in her own skin, because she sure does show a lot of it!
‘Orange is the New Black’ Made Me Realize I Was in Prison
When I first saw Nicky kiss Morello, I thought, “That’s me. I’m a prisoner.”
Your Fake Perfect Life is Less Perfect Than My Fake Perfect Life
You are not doing an amazing job of fooling everyone into thinking you have a Instagram-worthy existence.
This Heavy Pour of Chardonnay is Pretty Much My First Base
It’s like junior high all over again. Butterflies. Magic.
I Can’t See What My Elbows Look Like and It’s Driving Me Crazy
I deserve to be able to see my elbows. I’m a good person, aren’t I?