How to Use the Phrase ‘I Need to Set Boundaries’ in Order to Not Compromise at All Ever in Any Situation

How to Pretend You Were Listening by Answering, ‘Heeeey, Macarena’ in a Neutral Tone

Do NOT do the dance.

How to Explain to Your White Friends That You Don’t Know Who Billy Joel is Because Your Dad is an Immigrant

It’s not your fault!

How to Explain What a Bonnet is to Your White Partner in a Condescending Way

You need to glare at them for at least 20 minutes. No more, no less.

3 At-Home Cocktails to Make When You Realize You Aren’t Your Best Friend’s Best Friend

Finish your Martini.

How to Be a Good Friend Even Though You’ll Never Be as Good as Britney’s Assistant Felicia

We bet you couldn’t, you weak-willed enabler!

woman flexing arm

How to Make Your Arms Look Toned and Not Flabby but Not too Toned That You Wish They Looked More Flabby

If you’re stressed and confused, you’re doing it right!

3 Vegan Ice Creams That Will Still Give You Diarrhea for Other, Unspecified Reasons

Yum!

How to Use a Garden Hose Without Pretending You Have a Long, Green Dick

Limit Yourself to Three Inches of Hose.

4 Absolute Terrors From High School Who Are Now Feminist Influencers

You should reach out and see if she’ll send you a free pair of leggings to keep quiet about her past!

4 Boss Bitch Anthems to Turn Down at a Red Light

It would be really weird if somebody saw that.

QUIZ: Is the Edible Hitting or Is Your Clitoris Just Like This Now

Relax and lean into it.

QUIZ: Will the Teens on My Block Make Fun of Me for Wearing These Sneakers?

Do I look like a 30-year-old Euphoria extra?

QUIZ: Can You Make It Out Of This Collapsed Mineshaft Without Bringing Everyone Into Your Drama?

This is exactly why your ex said you were toxic!

How to Say, ‘I Wish I Could Hug You!’ Convincingly

Linger on the “youuuuu”.

4 Apocalypse-Ready Workouts Even Though You’d Die The Instant You Run Out Of Contacts

If you ask us, you shouldn’t bother with any of this.

3 SAD Lamps Who Should Just Try Going For a Run or Something?

They probably just need a pep talk or something like that.

How to Install a Floating Shelf and Then Worry About it Forever

It’s probably supposed to be like that!

Tiny Tattoos for Tattoo-Loving Cowards

This petite tat will have an infinite capacity to remind you of all the chances you wish you had taken.

How to Keep Masturbating Even Though You Totally Have Your Mom’s Hands Now

That’s the circle of life!