How to Get Your Student Loans Paid Off by Convincing the Government You’re a Bank The government will have to bail you out because you are just a pathetic little bank.
How to Continue Living When a Dog Doesn’t Like You Does he know something you don’t? Can he hear your thoughts?
How to Make the Most of Your Breakup by Writing a Hit Album Called ‘Rumours’ Feel your feelings, and more importantly, feel them on a folksy guitar with some backing vocals by your ex-boyfriend.
How to Cut Toxic People Out of Your Life Except the Ones Who Are Fun Set a boundary like, “We should hang out more!”
How to Stop Bringing up the Weather in Conversation Even Though the Tornado Is Literally Right There You can both hear the wailing tornado sirens — there’s no need to mention it.
5 Hyper-Masculine Coasters He Still Won’t Use What is more masculine than not putting a coaster under your drink?
How to Stop Saying ‘Jesus Fucking Christ’ Out Loud When Meeting Your Friends’ Ugly Boyfriends With practice, you can serve all of your friendships better by choosing peace and quiet.
How to Eat Dinner Even Though You Already Watched All Your Shows Maybe join a workout class and just eat dinner there!
How to Keep in Touch With Long-Distance Friends Even Though You Don’t With the Short-Distance Ones You have no excuse for the friend who lives down the street.
How to Avoid Going to Bed Angry by Staying up All Night Stewing in Rage What a great way to emotionally self-regulate!
QUIZ: Is a New Hemorrhoid Popping Up or Did Ms. Frizzle Crash Into Your Ass Again? Was the pain accompanied by the muffled sound of screaming children?
How to Feel Creatively Satisfied Even Though You Didn’t Cum While Painting You’ll only get better, and closer to orgasm, with each try.
QUIZ: Will This Handful of Chocolate Chips Satisfy You or Are You Ready to Be Honest? Is that really what you want?
How to Guard Your Alone Time Unless Something Cool Comes Up Instagram is where cool plans are born, and iMessage is where they are forged.
How to Turn Down the Brightness on Your Computer Without Seeming Like You Have Something to Hide It’s not a crime, so here are some tips to make it not feel like one.
How to Stop Texting Him Except For When You’re Sad, Bored, or Feel Like It He has a weird amount of knowledge about the Kennedy political empire, and you have some time to kill on your commute.
How to Say ‘The Weather Is So Warm and Nice Today’ With an Appropriate Level of Concern Grab your friend’s arm and whisper it like a scientist sharing bad news with a colleague.
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