How to Look So Harrowed That Someone Draws You on the Subway
The more pain in those soulless eyes, the better!
How to Still Feel Like the Main Character When Asking a Barista if They Have Oat Milk
Smoke a cigarette indoors.
How to Accept the Fact You’ll Never Want Anything as Much as Men Want Boats
Scientists don’t know why men want boats so much.
3 Ways Working Less Increases Productivity, and How to Make Your Boss See This Without Sending It to Them Directly
Slack this to your boss from your weakest coworker’s computer!
How to Validate Everyone’s Lived Experience, Unless They Say They Like the Taste of Whiskey
Recognize the mass gaslighting of society (that whiskey is good).
How to Pretend You’re Looking at Frozen Peas When Someone is Standing in Front of the Ice Cream Section
Your time will come to look at ice cream, but not yet.
3 Brawny Paper Towels to Clean Up the Mess From How Wet the Brawny Paper Towel Man Made You
They also make good napkins!
How to Ask Someone to Turn Down Their Music Without Sounding Like a Fox News Correspondent
You’re the youths.
4 Signs Mom Is Contemplating All the Lives She Didn’t Live
Just know that it is not your fault, even if it is just a little.
Signs Your Skeleton is Tired of Bringing You Along Everywhere
You try to crack your knuckles, but one of them won’t crack.
5 Oscillating Tower Fans Perfect for Looking Like a Man in the Corner of Your Bedroom When You Wake Up in the Night
This WILL become your sleep paralysis demon!
How to Call Yourself a Witch Even Though You Shop at Madewell
Rewrite history on a broad as well as personal level.
How to Sneak Into a New Friend Group Without Them Even Noticing
Legally, we cannot give you any ideas but it rhymes with herder.