Help! I Tried Detox Tea And Now I’m Flat Stanley If you have any tips that don’t involve a bicycle pump I would be grateful.
If We Raise Minimum Wage, What’s Going to Stop My Kid From Getting a Job at McDonald’s, Making More Money Than Me, And Becoming MY Dad? What exactly then, Kamala?
Why I Can Fear an Insurrection at the Inauguration While Still Thinking That’d Make a Great Band Name We can’t let them ruin perfectly good band names for the rest of us.
When the Pandemic Forced Me to Cancel My Honeymoon, My Husband and I Decided to Do Freak Shit in the Park All we needed was a little public sloppy gloppy under park picnic shelter #5.
Oh No! I Tried To Put A Tampon In But My Pussy Has Two-Factor Authentication Now What the hell? I have important stuff in there!
I LIVED IT: My Parents Won’t Stop Calling My Foray Into the World of Close-Up Magic a ‘Lifestyle Choice’ This is America, I guess.
Why I Stopped Wearing a Bra and Started Hiring a Boob Boy Everywhere I go, I demand a plus-three: my two knockers and my boob boy.
Why I Changed My New Year’s Resolution from ‘Be Less Negative’ to ‘Get a Gun’ Like Oprah probably said, there’s always room for personal growth.
I Don’t Give Hand Jobs, I Give Hand Opportunities The biggest difference between a hand job and a hand opportunity is your attitude.
How I Broke the Glass Ceiling by Riding the Willy Wonka Elevator Through It It’s simply a matter of leaning in and living in a world of pure imagination.
Help! I Asked My Friends to Suggest Hobbies I Should Try and They’re All Giving Me Valid Realistic Answers What the hell am I supposed to do now??
My Love Language Is Holding Up the Swiffer to Show You How Much Dirt and Hair Came Off the Floor Now that’s my bid for connection.
My New Year’s Resolution Is To Seem Like I Read More All I have to do tweet “52 books in 52 weeks!” and dutifully bone up my Goodreads account.
The Moment I Laid Eyes On Your Father, I Was Kind of Sure He Was Probably the One I think. I’m pretty sure. We’ll see what’s up in a few years.
Why I Will be the First Congressperson to Carry My Packer Inside the Capitol Building Using a packer in Congress is not bad, but I will talk about it so much that all my fellow congresspeople feel tired when they look at me.
I’m Tired of Teaching Men How to Love—Here’s Why I’m Teaching Them to Do Little Flips Instead You can’t change his heart, but you can strengthen his glutes and core for higher, whippier little flips.
Help! I Fell in Love With an Immortal Winter Spirit and Now My Nipples Are Always Hard I’m worried they’re going to fall off — could that happen? Please help me.
If COVID is Real, Why Haven’t I Been Visited by Three Ghosts Desperate to Teach Me an Important Lesson? What if he showed me, like, a dog who looked sad because his owner died?
Since the GOP Has a QAnon Congresswoman, Democrats Should Elect Someone Who Believes Harry and Louis Were Dating in One Direction If the psychotic fantasy of the right can be represented, why can’t our hotter, gayer psychotic fantasy be?
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