I LIVED IT: My Healing Was Linear but It Was Linear Downward It has been a line straight to rock bottom.
Here’s Why I Value Having a Clean Apartment––Wait, No, Don’t Look in That Closet That’s not the bathroom! Close that door!
DUDE CORNER: Get Ready to Hear Me Type I will be using fingers you’ve never really seen to touch letters you’d never expect.
I LIVED IT: I Told My Friend to Stop Me if I’ve Told Them This and They Actually Did You think this conversation is some kind of democracy? Nuh uh, babe. I’m in charge!
Dude Corner: They Won’t Even Let You Be a Corrupt City Mayor Anymore You can’t even commit the smallest bit of bribery and wire fraud and conspiracy and solicitation of a campaign contribution by a foreign national (x2).
How I Stopped Putting Off the Important Things and Started Committing Social Security Fraud Now There’s actually no time like the present to start!
DUDE CORNER: My Attachment Style Is No I took a quiz online about four years ago, and my computer exploded.
I LIVED IT: I Had 10 Extra Dollars so I Spent 70 Extra Dollars I surveyed my $10 buying options and found them to lack a certain je ne sais quoi.
It’s Time I Finally Settled Down and Pushed a Really Old Rich Man Off a Boat “You see, Gregory has this catamaran that his doctors have begged him to stop using.”
Mice Coming to My Apartment Because They Loves Me They want to bathe in the warmth of my energy. Quite simply? They loves me.
Why When Other People Interrupt It’s Rude but When I Do It It’s a Sign of Enthusiasm These are the kinds of distinctions that keep our world organized!
I LIVED IT: I Thought the Restaurant’s Kitchen Was the Bathroom and Now I’m a Line Chef I’m working a 12 hour shift assembling house salad after house salad for only $10.45 an hour.
Why I’m Not Watching the Olympics Because I Don’t Know How to Pronounce ‘Seine’ Sigh-en? Seen? Sigh-nee? Say-n? There is simply no way to know.
Why the Olympics Are Offensive to Me as Someone Who Has Never Dedicated Themselves to Anything Maybe take a second to think about how that might make me – someone who prefers to chill and vibe – feel.
Why I Want Kids so I Have Someone to Pass My Debt on to When I Die I don’t have any earthly possessions to pass on.
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