Grandma’s ‘Cure’ for Stomach Ache Also Recipe for Baking Soda Volcano “She’d keep the baking soda and vinegar in the dash of her car.”
Relationship Entering Stage Where Couple Mostly Proofreads Each Other’s Emails Sources confirm 60% of their texts are some variation of, “Can you read this and tell me if I sound crazy?”
‘Why Am I So Anxious All the Time?’ Asks Woman With 17 Unpaid Medical Bills “Maybe I should try ketamine?”
When It Comes to Fight or Flight, These Peace-Loving Emperor Penguins Are Fucked “Come on, fight back!” shouted one researcher, while absolutely wailing on one penguin with his fists.
Scientists Confirm Now Is the Time to Start Thinking of a Halloween Costume or It’ll Be Too Late If you haven’t decided on a Halloween costume by the time you’re done reading this, there is a 95% chance you’re going to be stuck going as something dumb.
REPORT: Roommate Who Bakes Is Atlas Carrying Weight of Apartment’s Mental Health The baking roommate does not want to be responsible for the apartment’s mental health, but it is thrust upon them.
‘Aw, Our First Fight!’ Says Man Unaware This Is Their 7th Fight This topic then became their eighth fight, or as Mike would call it, their second.
‘I Am So Sorry That You Found Out About What I Did,’ Says Celebrity in Tearful Apology Video “I never thought this would become big enough news for me to address it publicly, and for that I am so, so sorry.”
Woman Dies Bloody, Agonizing Death After Ingesting 1.5x Daily Recommended Calcium The autopsy shows Sadie was functionally strangled, stabbed, and shot from the inside by the extra calcium.
Squatty Potty Unveils New High-Fiber Diet Because Maybe That’s Your Problem Squatty Potty’s new diet recommends “eating more beans” and “maybe chugging a coffee or something?”
Woman Finally Makes the Most of Her Weekend by Hiking to Home Depot The key to a productive weekend is “long hours spent outdoors battling the elements followed by a bunch of menial errands.”
REPORT: Sad Song Inspiring Couple at Concert to Use Tongue Awesome! We’re sure everyone around them loves that!
Woman Desperately Searching for Evidence That Younger, More Successful Colleague Is a Nepo Baby “Apparently her dad is a pretty successful auto dealer in Western Michigan.”
Scientists Confirm You Need Eight Cups of Water Per Day Plus One Latte and Two Diet Cokes “Anything that will temporarily divert you from the painful mundanity of being alive is, like, super good for your health.”
Study Finds No Acceptable Place to Clip Toenails “Just based on the unpredictability and high velocity of toenail clippings, there’s nowhere good to do the deed.”
Oh No! Shrooms That Friend Offered Are the Adaptogen Kind Kyra thought you would enjoy consuming mushrooms that don’t make everything around you look crazy and cool.
Celsius Representatives Confirm It’s Normal to Taste Blood “That’s fucking sick and honestly so good. Keep that up. If you aren’t tasting blood, that’s actually bad.”
Woman Barely Has Time to Cook Dinner After Scrolling on Her Phone for Hours After Work “I get done with work at 5:30, and by the time I’m done aimlessly scrolling TikTok for three hours, it’s already 8:30.”
Woman Worried Landlord Going to Find Out She Has Made Her Apartment a Home “Does it look like I’ve lived and loved and dreamed in here? Do you think they’ll take that out of my security deposit?”
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