Study Finds Eating One Chocolate Croissant a Day Does the Same Thing We Pretend a Glass of Red Wine Does
We Got Him! Banksy Is Under This Cup Right Now “We still don’t know his name because his tiny screams are so muffled by the walls of this paper cup.”
Dad Thinks Your Career Will Be a Great Stepping Stone to Something He Respects “Would he be prouder of me if I was a lawyer or maybe an architect? Yeah, probably.”
Man More Concerned With the Accuracy of Your Traumatic History With Him Than Working on Himself “I have the right to not be vilified in her narrative!”
Uh Oh! Man Making Small Talk Knows Town Where You Grew Up “I didn’t even want to talk to him in the first place, he was just in the way of the chips.”
‘Ugh, Typical Straight White Man,’ Says Typical Straight White Woman All of this took place in line at a new white-owned cafe located in a historically Black neighborhood.
Predator About to be Publicly Exposed Complains About Cancel Culture “We need to separate the art from the artist.”
Studies Show the Best Way to Dress Sustainably Is to Wear the Ugly Clothes You Already Own “Nobody wants to wear what’s already in their closet, especially when it’s fuck-ugly.”
Woman Books Only Two Plans of the Year on Same Day “Maybe I can bounce back and forth the whole day, y’know, sitcom style!”
Influencer Tells Women Not to Compare Their Bodies in Caption of Photo of Her Smooth, Juicy Ass “Your body is the perfect body for you.”
REPORT: Getting a Suit Either Going to Be Most Gender-Affirming or Dysphoria-Inducing Process of Your Life But surely nothing in between.
Woman Realizes Everything She Owns Was Recommended by Influencers “This is just, like, how I express myself, you know? With a little help from other people.”
Woman Finally Lets Herself Pee as Reward for Completing Task “There’s no better reward than not having to sit in a pool of your own piss.”
Victory! Uncles Defeat Veganism Indeed, uncles are perhaps the most prolific intellectuals of our time.
‘Trans People’s Issues Alienate the Working Class,’ Says Democrat Who’s Never Met Either It’s unclear what he wants Democrats to actually do for anyone.
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