Uh Oh! Stranger Is Confiding in You for Some Reason She has no idea that you’ve never kept a secret in your life!
Woman Knows the Minutiae of Every Celebrity Drama but Not the Year Her Parents Got Divorced “Did my parents also happen to get divorced in 2010? Who knows.”
Biden Promises to Prioritize Climate Change as Soon as It Is Too Late Better to wait until things die down and there isn’t much left to do!
REPORT: No Amount of Decorative Pillows Will Make You Feel Whole Again You can buy that fuzzy decorative pillow, but it’s only temporary relief.
Woman Worried Antidepressants Will Ruin Personal Brand of Extremely Concerning Humor “What if I start taking antidepressants and lose my pizzazz?”
‘Sorry, I’m Bad With Names,’ Says Woman Who Knows All the Words to ‘Fergalicious’ “I just have trouble, like, visualizing words and remembering how to spell them and stuff.”
‘My Biological Clock Is Ticking!’ Says Woman Who’s Worried She’s Getting Too Old to Get Into Skateboarding “Now I’m in my 30s and I can’t even do a kick turn?”
Uh Oh! Person You Hate Showing Evidence of Change “What the hell? Does he think this is going to change what I think of him?”
REPORT: Maybe the Waiter Didn’t Write Down Your Order Because It Was Dumb? Sorry, chicken tender lovers! Stephanie is not going to write that silly shit down.
Dumbest Fucking Idea Ever? This Woman Sells Seashells by the Seashore Can you believe the balls on this goddamn idiot?
Woman Who Sang Alto in Middle School Still Mad She Never Got to Do the Melodies “I never got to hit a high note. Well, mostly because I couldn’t.”
Itemized Bill for Hospital Visit Includes $600 Charge for ‘Looking at Them the Wrong Way’ “When I called to dispute the charge, they just laughed for, like, a super long time.”
Woman Whose Skin Is Finally Perfect Wants to Try New Product to Fuck It Up Again “Sure, having flawless skin is amazing, but I keep seeing this new moisturizer on TikTok and I really want to give it a try.”
Mom Worried Tattoos Will Make It Hard for You to Get the Kind of Job You Hate “Now you’ll never be able to get a job as a financial analyst or personal injury lawyer!”
Woman’s Fear Someone Will Hit on Her at Bar Slowly Turning Into Fear That No One Will Hit on Her at Bar “My vibe is still ‘Don’t talk to me,’ but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want to talk to me!”
Embarrassing! This Woman Asked Friends to Help Her Move a Body Even Though She’s Over 30 Yikes! At her age? Call a service for that!
‘Sorry Just Saw This!’ Texts Woman Who Has Not Pooped Without Her Phone in 10 Years “Oops, sorry, just saw this!”
Woman Waits in Anxious Anticipation After Friend Texts ‘Also’ “Whatever she texts next is either going to be super juicy or absolutely devastating.”
‘I Love How You Don’t Wear a Ton of Makeup,’ Says Man Whose Date Is Wearing Three Different Foundations Caleb claimed that he loved the “natural contours” of her face.
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