REPORT: Your Vegan Friend Doesn’t Feel Superior to You, That’s Your Own Shit “Like so many things in life, your feelings about this are really about yourself.”
Girl Gets Good at Wrong Hobby Erma persisted, confident that lute building would be the next quaint hobby to captivate the masses.
Woman Who Almost Passed Out in the Bath Convinces Herself She’s Actually Really Relaxed Now “I would gladly have another near-death experience to do it all again.”
Woman Searching for Common Factor Between Failed Relationships Besides Her “I just have to stay true to myself.”
‘Don’t Worry, No One Is Even Thinking About You,’ Says Friend Who You Often Think About and Judge “We’re all just inside of our own heads,” says Isabel.
REPORT: It’s Not Mom’s Fault, It’s Society’s Fault, but You Can’t Fight With Society in The Kitchen After Two Glasses of Wine Indeed.
‘Anti-Semitism Doesn’t Exist,’ Says Man Who Thinks All the World Banks Are Controlled By a ‘Secret Organization’ “Seriously, look it up.”
Vaccinated Friends Want You to Come Out And Spend Too Much Money with Them Again Your dearest friends are absolutely desperate to see your gorgeous face in a bar that has a $25 cover for some reason.
Ugh! Friend’s Gossip Is the Sad Kind “Gossip is supposed to be fun,” you say. “But now I’m contemplating mortality and feeling bad for people.”
Absolutely Everything Riding on Delivery Meal Being Good Uber Eats is fully in charge of your happiness now.
Wow! This Woman Is Not Biphobic Unless A Bi Man Asks Her Out Now that’s what we call cognitive dissonance!
Win! Word You Googled After Using It Works in Situation You pulled that shit off flawlessly. Go buy yourself a fancy drink; you earned it.
Uh-Oh! Woman Who Thinks She’s Flirting Actually Just Bullying Way to make your intentions clear, Deidre!
REPORT: Parents Would Love to See You, Just Need to Check the Dog’s Schedule At press time, your parents could be found taking Titi on her afternoon walk in an enclosed stroller.
‘I’m Not Looking For Anything Serious,’ Says Man Who Will Rely on You for All His Emotional Support He will not have the courage to dump you in person.
‘Now That the Pandemic is Over…’ Says Friend Who Thought Racism Ended in 2008 “But now we have the vaccine, the pandemic is over, and Kamala Harris is VP, so I’d say things are finally looking up again!”
What The Fuck? This Woman Just Left The Grocery Store Without a Little Snack for The Car Ride Home Um, is this some sort of new, dangerous wellness trend?
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