Movie Setting Unrealistic Expectations of How Big Apartment Will Be at Age 30 Watching The Shining would be less stressful than this.
Interesting! Friend Posted a Candid Photo of You Instead of Telling You What You Did and Why She Hates You “Did I make an offhand remark? Did I attack her family or moral character?”
Self-Defense Class Takes $200 From Woman’s Purse “Now I know what to do if an assailant tries to mug me, but only while he’s standing perfectly still.”
Haunting! This Woman Remembers Exactly Where She Was When Club Penguin Shut Down “It was the day I learned permanence is an illusion.”
Scientists Confirm Fifth Dimension Is Words of Affirmation Researchers confirm it’s the only dimension that can make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Okay! Cis Friend Telling You About Their Parents’ Transphobia “I’m just saying, I know how rough it is out there.”
Man With Huge Penis Clearly Compensating for Tiny Car Clearly, Paul is using his massive shlong to compensate for his tiny car.
‘You Need to Vote to Fix This,’ Says Lawmaker You’ve Voted for in the Past Four Elections “Vote harder.”
Chipotle Worker Pausing to Warn You’re Gonna Shit That Corn Out Whole Later It’s necessary disclosure.
Woman Doing Makeup at Green Light Flattered by All the Honks She’s Getting “Wow, everyone! Thank you, thank you.”
Woman Builds Time Machine to Assassinate Past Self Who Left Laundry on the Bed “This way, I won’t have to go through what happened to me ever again.”
‘Is That Something?’ Asks Writer After Recounting Childhood Trauma Word for Word He’s determined that it “is really something,” even though it is really not.
REPORT: People Aren’t Using Metal Detectors at Beaches Like They Used To “There’s still lots of metal under the sand; it’s just that no one’s there to find it.”
Mandela Effect? Older Sibling Remembers Being Nice to You Growing Up “I don’t know where you’re getting all this from.”
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