This Woman Went Home to Her Parents for Thanksgiving Because She Was Already Living There “I don’t even really want to be living here.”
Too Far? Scientists Have Used Gene Editing to Create a Lamb With Super Low Self-Esteem “She hates herself. That’s how we know this experiment was a success.”
Woman Likes This Season of ‘The Crown’ Best Because She is Also Better Than Her Husband “It’s so refreshing to see yourself represented onscreen.”
Woman Thrilled to Leave Job She Hates For Job She Will Later Hate More “Now I’ll be rejected in a much more convoluted and hurtful way.”
Mom Wants to Know if You Need Giant Gold Candlesticks for Your First Thanksgiving Alone “What about the table runner? How about a gravy boat?”
Republican Lawmakers Struggle to Pronounce ‘Vice President Harris’ “My mouth is simply incapable of stringing that series of words together.”
Unrealistic: The People in This Porn Video Have a Nice Apartment at a Reasonable Price “It just really takes me out of it.”
Biden Creates Task Force on Boyfriends Who Don’t Like Your Online Posts Enough Over 500,000 boyfriends have done a shitty job of liking their girlfriend’s posts this year alone.
Woman Taking Break From Anxiety to Feel Guilt for No Reason “Honestly I feel like a kid again – who is attending Catholic school while going through puberty.”
Woman Who Already Lived Through One Jenny Humphrey Arc Says No Thank You to ‘Gossip Girl’ Reboot “I’m still tired when I just think of it.”
Family Excited to Mess Up Your Pronouns Virtually This Year “I just can’t wait to see my granddaughter on the Zoom. Technology is amazing!”
Stolen Nerd Valor? Woman Who Grew up Popular Now Pretending She was Bullied in Middle School “I call bullshit.”
‘It’s Mariah Carey Season,’ Exclaims Uncultured Swine Who Doesn’t Listen to the ‘Glitter’ Soundtrack Year Round Shameful.
Restaurants Taking Vibe Checks Before Seating Patrons Indoors “We just don’t want that kind of bad juju in here.”
‘I Can’t Wait to Not Have to Think About Politics Again,’ Says Woman Whose Home Will Be Underwater in Five Years “It’s going to be so nice to just let the system do its work.”
Four-Year Existential Dread Still Yet to Concede “It is struggling to come to terms with the fact that it is supposed to be going away soon.”
Oh No! Roommate Who Grew Up Rich Offers to Do Dishes Poorly Again “Does anybody want to help me dry?”
‘I’m So Glad This Is Finally Over,’ Says White Woman About Bangs That Took 4 Years to Grow Out Madison, who remained “apolitical” during the presidential election, is hopeful about her future, specifically.
Mom Who Blames Young People for Spreading COVID-19 Also Demands You Fly Home for Thanksgiving During Pandemic “We’re your family. Do you even care about us?”
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