Woman Who Didn’t Hear What Friend Said Enters Laughing and Nodding Stage of Conversation “When I still didn’t hear what she said, I was forced to just laugh, nod, and hope it wasn’t of any real importance.”
Woman Outlines Extensive Plan to Get in Shape by Last Month “Now that summer is upon us, it’s never been more important to have gotten in shape already.”
Woman Too Focused on Enjoying Sex to Enjoy Sex “It’s kind of like when you’re so focused on remembering someone’s name that you forget to remember their name.”
Woman Keeps Her Fallen Acrylics Nails Like They’re Baby Teeth “This nail is from my sister’s graduation.”
Mother Couldn’t Possibly Finish Entire Round of Antibiotics “Maybe I’ll just take a little taste,” she continued, licking the next pill. “See? There.”
Fuck! Hike Has Elevation “Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d have to walk at a slight incline.”
Uh Oh! Date Just Said Something That Didn’t Come Up During Background Check Participating in authentic, off-the-cuff conversation? No, thank you!
REPORT: Basketball Happening Right Now Apparently While it is not totally clear what is happening with the sport right now, it’s safe to say that there is something going on.
Non-Binary Person Walking Alone at Night Unsure Whether to Be Scared or Scary “Should I look over my shoulder? Or creep behind a woman in a way that unsettles her to her core?”
Should Employees Be Paid? Why People Think It’s Time “What’s next? Poor people being able to lead happy and fulfilling lives? I don’t think so.”
‘I Actually Drive Better When I’m High,’ Says Woman to the Demogorgon in Her Back Seat “He tells me about all sorts of things, like if I’m breathing funny or when my car is shrinking.”
Woman Who Was Excited for Summer Forgot About Sleeping When It’s Hot Niamh is already “sweating [her] goddamn ass off in the dark, going full nakey in the sheets.”
REPORT: 3-Year-Old Baby Tee Entering Preschool The preschool curriculum is curated for baby tees of this age, with lessons like, “Cropping for Dummies” and “Intermediate French for Business.”
‘No, Thanks, It Makes Me Anxious,’ Says Woman Being Offered Relationship “I think it’s time I start listening to my body and just say no.”
Weaponized Incompetence? This Roommate Won’t Deep Clean Because One Time He Made Mustard Gas “Just because one time he made a chemical weapon, now he doesn’t have to wipe down the toilet?”
Girlfriend Wants to Know If You’d Still Love Her If She Was Totally Different Person Who Was Awful “Would you still love me if I committed a bunch of violent crimes?”
Uh Oh! Friend Talking to Your Parents the Way They’d Talk to a Friend “My friend playfully told my mom to ‘shut the fuck up’ and then launched into a full-blown monologue.”
Woman Training for Marathon Apparently Doesn’t Know You Can Just Chill on the Couch The people who care about her hope she gets help before she does something really drastic.
REPORT: At Least Pigeon Outside Your Window Is Getting Some You first noticed the pigeon getting absolutely railed by its pigeon boyfriend (?) this morning at 6 a.m.
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