Woman Asks Spider to Help Her Kill Horrible Man
The Black Widow insisted that Amy not blame herself or apologize.
REPORT: Everyone In Coffee Shop Bathroom Shitting Their Brains Out
Subjects were 40 times more likely to shit their brains out in a coffee shop bathroom than anywhere else.
Climate Catastrophe! This Year’s Cuffing Season Set to be Two Weeks Shorter
Hundreds of predictive tools from around the globe have researchers bracing for much fewer, shorter relationships.
Ha Ha Nice! Abysmal Credit Score Now at 420
“You’ll probably never own your own home. But still…420…Blaze it.”
Verbal Directions Processed 0%
“Obviously I said I was all good,” said Riley. “I couldn’t bear to draw out this disorienting interaction.”
Mattel Is Releasing a Barbie Who Hasn’t Even Picked a Major Yet
“If most of us can only just squeak by, Barbie shouldn’t have to have her shit together, either.”
Attempt at Intermittent Fasting Foiled by Pesky Need to Stay Conscious
“I’m just one of those basic ass people who needs caloric intake to survive.”
REPORT: Mom’s Just Smoking Weed All the Time Now
“It just makes the whole day better. I mean who knew?”
Yikes! Boyfriend Identifying As ‘Gamer’ Now
“Joking about cartoon titties and only drinking Mountain Dew Game Fuel is part of the lifestyle. It’s part of who I am now.”
The man, who is seemingly only around when he is unwanted, could not be reached for comment.