Uh-oh! Your Aunt Is Whispering When Talking About Minorities Again

You of course saw it coming, but it officially appears that it’s that time of the holiday evening: Yep, your Aunt Mary has started to whisper when she talks about minorities again.


“It’s not that I don’t like them,” she said, leaning closer toward you. “It’s just that they’re so loud and obnoxious,” before quieting to a hush. “And just to be clear, I’m talking about…African-Americans.”


As your holiday dinner progressed, Aunt Mary went on to spout her racist nonsense at an almost imperceptibly quiet decibel.


“I mean, let’s be frank: the Mexicans are not gonna stop having babies,” whispered Aunt Mary, as if there were anyone who wasn’t white around. “I’m not being racist, it’s just the truth,” she said, returning to full volume. “They’re like rabbits!”


Sorry Aunt Mary, it’s still racism if it’s whispered!


Your whole family tolerates Aunt Mary’s quiet, casual racism each holiday because they don’t really know the right way to do it and nobody wants to be cut out of her will.


“My wife is Korean-American and hates coming to holidays with my extended family,” said your big brother, Garrett. “But Mary is like 87, so it’s only a matter of time.”


“Yeah, Mary is set in her ways,” added your mom, who stands to inherit the most as Mary’s only living sibling. “No use in trying to change her now.”


“Plus, I mean, she says it quietly!”


Yikes! Y’all are pretty complicit in your Aunt’s overt disdain toward minorities!


For Aunt Mary, this is hushed business as usual.



“I think we can all agree that the Indians make better doctors,” she whispered. “They’re not going anywhere, so we might as well get used to it.”


“Boy do I miss the old days when I didn’t have to whisper my own opinions,” she added, even quieter.