5 Combat Boots That’ll Serve You Well in the War on Christmas You’ll be suited up for hand-to-hand combat!
4 Off-the-shoulder Looks Inspired by Your Fitted Bedsheet You’ll be feeling like an exposed mattress all season!
4 Corduroy Pants That Will Make Your Ass Look Like The Great Pumpkin The Great Pumpkin has risen to reward the good and suffocate the faces of the nonbelievers.
4 Group Halloween Costumes That Say, ‘We Have an Insufferable Group Chat’ Be careful if you are choosing a group costume – it might reveal the true insufferability of your group chat.
5 Halloween Costumes That Are Obviously Just What You Want to Roleplay As Later Everyone here knows that’s your exact plan, btw!
How to Attempt a Capsule Wardrobe Even Though You Only Do Laundry Once Every Two Months You’ll look really put-together! Just like, from kind of far away.
3 Knitted Crop Tops That Say, ‘Yeah, Only My Tits Are Cold’ “I adapt to the change of weather in my own way, and that way is swaddling my arctic tits like a baby.”
5 Puffy Jackets That Say, ‘Someone Could Push Me Down a Flight of Stairs and I’d Be Fine’ Like bubble wrap for the body!
This Lipstick Is So Long Lasting It Can Be Used to Carbon Date Your Remains Millennia from now, an alien will unearth your remains and think, ‘My God, is that fire engine red?’
How to Exfoliate Your Legs Like They’re a 200-year-old, Barnacle-covered Shrimping Boat Everyone will be asking you how much shrimp you caught today!
4 Vests That Say, ‘Yeah, People Still Wear Vests’ What if a history teacher was boring in a sexy way?
How to Dye Your Hair at Home Without Unpacking All Your Traumas You’ve got a task at hand that has nothing to do with your emotional state, which, yes, is fragile.
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