Five Reformation Dresses to Buy If Your Boobs Mysteriously Vanish in the Night Congratulations if you’re so genetically gifted that this garment looks stylish on you!
5 Facial Brushes to Make You Feel Like a Pretty Little Horsie It’s sundown and time to sleep standing up, you adorable little pony!
7 High-Impact Sports Bras That Have Trapped You And Made You Their Prisoner Guess you’re literally booby trapped!
4 Trendy Bathing Suit Bottoms To Wear When You Run Out Of Clean Underwear The perfect substitution for actual underwear when you refuse to do laundry!
Fashionable Eyeglasses That Will Make You Look Good As You Stare Through Filth All Day Enjoy how absolutely nasty you truly are!
Hot School Girl Uniforms That Say, ‘My Mom Forgot To Pick Me Up Again’ “Think back on all the ‘Bubble Trouble’ you had to play with the other abandoned children before your mom finally showed up.”
5 High-Leg Bathing Suits That Tell The World You Are Furious At Your Vagina “Time to publically execute your pussy!”
I Lived It: I Wore a Blazer And It’s the Only Time I’ve Felt Confident “This is the first time I’ve ever been confident in my entire life.”
5 Summer Flats That Will Smell Like Ass By August You’ll be brewing up a spicy, permeating sweat in no time!
Lululemon Yoga Pants You Can Wear Around Like You Own a House They’ll make you look like the high-income, low debt homeowner you always dreamed of becoming!
Faux Vintage Band Tees that Say, ‘History Has Been Really Good to People like Me’ “Historically, the more callous we are, the cooler we are perceived!”
4 Chunky Knit Scarves to Hide The Vicious Lamprey Hooked to Your Body You’ll be able to hide about four agitated lampreys with this oversized scarf!
Easy Tips For Applying Eyeliner Perfectly On One Eye And Fucking Up the Other No matter what, the other eye’s makeup will still look like it was applied by some kind of drunk, hoofed animal!
5 Trends Men Hate the Most and How to Do Them Effectively Rock one of these looks and enjoy the lack of unwelcome attention from men!
Quiz: Is She Your New Best Friend Or Is She Just Wearing Overalls With Confidence? If you like overalls so much, just get a pair!
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