Tiny Clutches to Whisper Haunting Secrets Into
Confess in a whisper as delicate as a cry everything that really happened that summer at the lake.
5 Monokinis that Will Leave You With a Squishy, Little Blob of Fat to Poke At the Beach
All the blobs are friends now and you can poke ’em all day!
4 Dark Lipsticks That’ll Have Your Dad Saying, ‘Are You a Goth?’
You know what, maybe you ARE goth, OKAY?!
1950’s Style Swimsuits That Will Remind Your Grandpa of His First Love
“She could shake and shimmy for hours. Hours.”
How to Do Your Makeup Perfectly For One Spot in One Room of Apartment
Get ready for the compliments, or concerned friends asking if you fell in some sort of ditch!
4 Clear Glasses Frames That Say, ‘I Haven’t Tried Polyamory, But I’ve Watched Many VICE Docs on the Matter’
You’re just studying the subject… for now.
Cute Summer Dresses You Will Change When Your Friend Arrives to Better Match Her Vibe
Oh well! You can wear this another day.
4 Summer Dresses that Say, ‘This Company Doesn’t Make Clothes for My Body Type’
At least it was worth checking!
3 Bikinis That Say, ‘I Hope You’re All Ready To See My Pubes!’
“My pubes? They’re out! In public. And everyone’s having fun!”
4 Drugstore Mascaras That’ll Give You Big Ol’ Snuffleupagus Eyes
You’ll be saying: “Damn, is that me or the beloved Sesame Street puppet Snuffleupagus?”
Leopard Caftans for Delicately Whispering, ‘Where Are My Cigarettes?’
Embrace this cozy elegance as you grasp for a pack of Virginia Slims 100s!
4 Boyfriend Jeans that Say, ‘I Couldn’t Fit These Over My Thighs’
Buy a pair of completely stretchless jeans designed for people who don’t have childbearing hips!
5 Summer Flats That Will Smell Like Ass By August
You’ll be brewing up a spicy, permeating sweat in no time!
Five Reformation Dresses to Buy If Your Boobs Mysteriously Vanish in the Night
Congratulations if you’re so genetically gifted that this garment looks stylish on you!
5 Facial Brushes to Make You Feel Like a Pretty Little Horsie
It’s sundown and time to sleep standing up, you adorable little pony!