3 Preventative Botox Treatments That Will Do Nothing for When the Locusts Come While it might keep your forehead forever smooth, it will do nothing to fight off the holy locusts from razing down every tree in the land.
5 Curly Hair Routines That Also Double as H.I.I.T. Workouts Now that’s what we call explosive anaerobic exercise!
How to Get a Non-Invasive Facelift by Getting Cornrows Commit to the initial pain of fresh cornrows, and you are certain to have a face so lifted your boobs will get jealous.
5 Dogs Who Are Better Dressed for the Weather Than You Even Truffles had the foresight to put on a warm sweater in case of winter winds coming in from the north.
QUIZ: Did Too Many People See Your Outfit Yesterday for You to Wear It Again Today? Are most of your friends’ long-term memories intact?
6 Haircuts That Are Gender-Neutral Because It’s Literally Hair What the Fuck Are We Talking About Here Pick any of these haircuts or literally any other haircut! We have but one life on this Earth!
4 Belts That Would Look Better if They Were Absolutely Massive and It Was 2004 Sure, these are nice, but not High School Musical nice.
How to Get the Sensual Glow of a Disinterested Woman in a Renaissance Painting Go ahead and pluck your hairline just like Simonetta Vespucci would.
5 Tinted Lip Balms That Will Make You Look Like a Toddler Who Ate Jam for the First Time The magenta color of this tinted balm looks great on practically everyone, and everywhere on your face!
4 Cozy Fisherman Sweaters That Come With a Harpoon for Slaying the Great Whale This one’s good for slaughtering in.
3 Oversized Blazers to Make You Look Like You’re in a Middle School Production of ‘Death of a Salesman’ Willy Loman-core!
3 Outdated Fashion Mistakes That Will Reveal You as a Time Traveler From the 1600s Your ostrich feather fan practically screams, “I came here in a time machine.”
3 Great Sibling Tattoo Ideas if You Want to Experience Trauma Together in Adulthood Too Hard times only serve to bring us closer together, right?
4 Lingerie Sets That Are More for Taking Pictures Than Having Sex You can still send the pictures to whomever you’re seeing, which is technically still sex!
First-Date Beauty Tips for Going Out With a Man Who Will Bring a Tactical Backpack At least you’ll still look great!
4 Fake Wedding Rings to Make Casual Sex Feel Like You’re Betraying a Good Man Look at your ring finger and moan with a mix of guilt and pleasure.
4 Funny Halloween Costumes That Will Have You Wishing People Knew You’re Hot You’re gonna regret this.
Running Shorts Purchased in Eighth Grade Still Regular Part of Summer Clothing Rotation “They’re comfortable and go with everything.”