3 Knitted Crop Tops That Say, ‘Yeah, Only My Tits Are Cold’ “I adapt to the change of weather in my own way, and that way is swaddling my arctic tits like a baby.”
This Lipstick Is So Long Lasting It Can Be Used to Carbon Date Your Remains Millennia from now, an alien will unearth your remains and think, ‘My God, is that fire engine red?’
How to Exfoliate Your Legs Like They’re a 200-year-old, Barnacle-covered Shrimping Boat Everyone will be asking you how much shrimp you caught today!
4 Vests That Say, ‘Yeah, People Still Wear Vests’ What if a history teacher was boring in a sexy way?
How to Attempt a Capsule Wardrobe Even Though You Only Do Laundry Once Every Two Months You’ll look really put-together! Just like, from kind of far away.
How to Dye Your Hair at Home Without Unpacking All Your Traumas You’ve got a task at hand that has nothing to do with your emotional state, which, yes, is fragile.
Short-Sleeve Printed Button-Downs That Say, ‘I Dress Like a Miami Watch Dealer Now’ Stay fresh, my dude!
4 Lip Stains That’ll Make You Look Like a Naughty Little Imp Who Ate All the Cherry Tart Happy cherry tart open season!
5 Face Serums That Make You Look Like a Cute Duck Covered in Crude Oil “Please wash me in a little tub with dish soap!”
4 Clogs That’ll Have Everyone Thinking, ‘Here Comes a Little Horse’ “Ah, fooled again. It’s a woman wearing wood shoes.”
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