May We Suggest You Replace Shampoo With This More Expensive Product That Makes Your Hair Greasier? Your hair will be greasier than ever before.
How to Make Your Thin Hair Look Thicker By Wearing This $6 Elvis Wig From Party City Viva Las Party City!
5 Noise-Canceling Headphones That Do Nothing to Drown Out Your Inner Monologue The one downside? You can never block out the time you called your teacher “Mom” in the 5th grade and everyone laughed at you.
5 Fair Isle Sweaters to Wear Around Your Garbage City Make an impression as you walk into the pitch black of a 4:30 pm afternoon.
5 Mustard-Colored Sweaters That Will Make It Look Like Fall Came All Over You Autumnal? More like AuCUMnal!
4 Easy Hairstyles for Arms Too Weak to French Braid These quick and easy hairstyles will help you gain confidence and no additional muscle mass!
4 Sexy Holiday Dresses to Hang Out With Your Parents In Look absolutely fabulous through all those cringey conversations!
Pleated Skirts That Say, ‘I Have a Secret Twin and Yeah, She’s Evil’ One look at your perfectly ironed pleats and it’ll be clear that it wasn’t you.
4 Pajama Sets That Aren’t as Comfortable as the Cast Shirt From Your High School Production of ‘Oklahoma!’ Even though it kind of has a smell now.
How to Get the Thick, Possibly Cursed Eyelashes of a Vintage Baby Doll Wow, you are truly cursed as fuck, but your eye visors are strong.
Stylish Capes That Say, ‘Let The Au Pair Tend To It.’ “He wants a hug? The au pair can tend to it, for fuck’s sake.”
4 Cozy Winter Socks That Say, ‘Hey is It Okay If I Turn the Heat On?’ Make yourself a hot cocoa with marshmallows and walk past your roommates’ rooms making audible “brrrr” sounds.
4 Corduroy Skirts That Say ‘I Tried to Fuck My English Professor’ Move over, Beowulf! This bitch is epic.
4 Cute First Date Ensembles to Meet a Guy Who’s Wearing a T-shirt and Sneakers Be yourself and don’t let the weight of unequal gender expectations weigh on you!
Puffer Jackets That Will Make You Look Like a Sexy Little Michelin Man “C’est moi! The trademarked mascot of a French tire company,” you’ll shout as you roll down a hill.
The Best Haircuts For What You’ve Arbitrarily Decided Is Your Face Shape Add interest to your stupid egg-shaped face with loose waves.
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