Study Finds Hair Grows Slowest After Receiving Bob Haircut

Have you gotten a bob that just won’t grow out? Well, there’s new research that might support your concerns. A new study from the University of Colorado found that hair grows the slowest after receiving a bob haircut. While the exact link between bobs and hair growth is unclear, researchers are saying this information could save lives and prevent unwanted bobs worldwide.


Jonathan Brown, Lead Researcher on the study, enlisted the help of volunteers who willingly sacrificed their tresses in the name of science.


“We took a sample group of 100 people and cut their hair into various bobs,” said Brown. “Then, we took an additional group of 100 people and we cut their hair into other hairstyles. We waited a year for their hair to grow, and the results were shocking.”


After each participant had their locks cut into a bob, scientists measured their hair length each month for a year. Hair grows, on average, a half inch a month, but those whose hair had been chopped into a tight, stylish bob, experienced only millimeters of hair growth. At the end of the study, it was reported that many participants hadn’t even been able to grow their hair into a cute lob.


Hairstylists were quick to dismiss the findings as an elaborate conspiracy. They argued that the study’s results were ridiculous and inaccurate, claiming that hair growth couldn’t possibly be influenced by a mere haircut style that they coincidentally love to do.


Stacey Gonzalez, a local hairstylist and self-described bob addict, said, “A bob is so classic and fashionable, more people should be getting them. These findings will make people opt for more ugly and unstylish haircuts that I don’t want to perform. I only wanna give people bobs.”



As the scientific community grapples with the repercussions of these groundbreaking findings, hair salons around the world are experiencing a sudden decline in bob requests. Stacy says that more of her clients are opting for longer styles, in fear that a simple Amelie-esque haircut could leave them in a perpetual state of bob-induced misery.


If you’re considering a new haircut, think long and hard about the consequences. A trip to the hair salon for a bob may make you feel slay, but beware—the price you pay won’t just be the bill at the end.