Male Loneliness Epidemic? Everyone Too Busy Cleaning up After Dinner to Hang out With Man in Living Room

News

REPORT: Quality of Cups Going Down Exponentially as More Guests Arrive

“Does no one bring their own glass to a party anymore? Jesus, people, prepare!”

News

Aww! Pregnant Wife Inspires Man to Start Training for Marathon

Training is taking up the free time that could otherwise be spent doing literally anything to help his wife.

Entertainment

Woman Listening to New Album Imagines How Nice It’ll Be to Like These Songs in a Few Weeks

“Every song sounds foreign and new to my brain, and therefore I find it frightening.”

News

Woman Retires After Long, Fulfilling Life Spent Trying to Find a Job

“Nadine will certainly be missed. She was always posting on LinkedIn.”

Love and Sex

QUIZ: Is He Into You or Is He Just Texting Because You Hit His Car?

He keeps using formal language like “I wish to settle my claim.”

Thoughts

How I Finally Got In-Unit Laundry by Moving Into a Washing Machine

Does it suck that my entire apartment spins whenever I use it? Yes.

Entertainment

3 Gay Icons That Can’t Hold a Candle to Cynthia From Rugrats

“She’s fierce, she’s fashion, she’s servin’ up some sassin’.”

Living

‘I Have IBS,’ Says Woman Who Actually Just Had Four Drinkable Yogurts

“I have no clue what makes it act up!”

News

Woman Throws Duvet Cover in With Rest of Laundry Like Adding Shark to Fish Tank

“She has to know that the duvet cover is going to eat those clothes up in seconds.”

I Lived it: Thoughts

I LIVED IT: I Made Fun of Myself and My Friend Added to the Bit Instead of Correcting Me

What the hell?

Entertainment

Woman Takes Somber Moment to Remember How Many Hits Taylor Swift Has

She barely listens to any Taylor Swift music intentionally but has instead absorbed a lot of it via osmosis.

I Lived it: Thoughts

I LIVED IT: My Computer Died Even Though I Only Had 25 Tabs Open and 3 Movies Playing

How could such basic functions have brought my computer to its knees?

News

Woman Will Complain About Tooth Pain to Everyone She Knows Except a Dentist

She’s been brushing her teeth, waiting for things to improve, complaining about it, and that’s pretty much it.

News

Woman’s Desk Just Shrine to Empty Pill Bottles

“It is an ode to modern medicine.”

Living

How to Have a One-Night Stand Even Though You Need Your CPAP Machine to Sleep

Work the machine into your foreplay.

News

Mom Calling Just to Tell You It’s Cold Out

When you asked if she had anything else she wanted to talk about, she was confused.

News

Woman Pretty Sure 2024 Goals Can Still Be Squeezed Into Next Two Months

“If I learn to code in the next week…”

News

REPORT: Woman Still Applying Sunscreen in Winter but Her Heart Isn’t in It

“Times like these are when we separate the men from the boys.”

Thoughts

I’m Not a Passenger Princess. I’m a Trunk Troll.

Passenger princesses are regal, chic, and captivating. Trunk trolls are in the trunk.

I Lived it: Thoughts

I LIVED IT: My Healing Was Linear but It Was Linear Downward

It has been a line straight to rock bottom.

Thoughts

Here’s Why I Value Having a Clean Apartment––Wait, No, Don’t Look in That Closet

That’s not the bathroom! Close that door!

Living

Traitor? Friend Who Agreed to Meet up and Work Actually Working

Doesn’t she know that’s not how this works?

News

Woman Spends Entire Evening Deciding Whether She Should Work or Relax

“I’ve settled on this in-between stage where I am wholly unfulfilled.”

News

Woman Returns for Second Coffee After First One Was Wasted Luxuriating in the Quiet Joy of the Morning

“I sipped my coffee and reflected on my relationship with the universe. What a waste of time!”

Living

‘Cooking Is an Art, Baking Is a Science,’ Says Woman Spreading Funfetti Frosting on Her Funfetti Cake

“It’s all data and measurement and numbers. If you don’t follow the recipe exactly, you’re fucked.”