Proving that it’s about the journey to the journey, not the destination, 24-year-old Vicky Chu has spent about 45 minutes picking out the perfect songs for her run even though she plans to spend a mere 15 minutes actually running.
“It’s so important to put yourself in the right mindset for a grueling run like this,” Vicky told reporters while sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone in all her running gear. “I would hate to get to mile 1.2 out of 1.5 and realize I’ve run out of pump-up music to get me through.”
In the process of curating the perfect playlist for this 15-minute run, Vicky has scrolled through every single playlist she’s made since 2019 and listened to 0.5 seconds of every single song.
“I’ve been putting myself in the headspace of someone who is at the end of mile 1, and I think ‘Body Funk’ by Purple Disco Machine would be perfect for a moment like that,” she continued. “Unless of course ‘Bodyguard’ by Beyonce would be better? Or if I’m feeling good and in a flow state, maybe something angsty like ‘Misery Business’ by Paramour would be preferable. God, these sorts of decisions are impossible.”
Sources confirm Vicky has not gone for a run in about two months, as she is often daunted by the necessary playlist planning time.
“Music choice is so important when you’re embarking on a project like this,” she continued, referring to a 1.5 mile run as a “project” for some reason. “It’s make or break. And sure, in the amount of time I’ve spent planning this playlist, I could have gone for a run three times over, but you can’t rush perfection.”
According to reporters, Vicky also put plenty of thought into picking her outfit: She tried on three pairs of shorts and two leggings before ultimately settling on the first pair of shorts.
“I’m pretty sure if I plan everything perfectly, running will not be painful,” she continued. “It can’t possibly be hard if I’m wearing the right outfit and listening to the right music! Then, it’ll probably feel amazing. Like eating a delicious meal.”
Reporters are unsure where Vicky got this idea, as no playlist or outfit will fundamentally change the nature of exercise for her.
As of press time, Vicky had realized she only had 19 minutes before she was supposed to log on for her remote job. She then spent 5 minutes deciding whether she had time to run at all, which meant she’d only have 14 minutes to run, which obviously would not be worth it. Instead, she spent those 14 minutes getting changed out of her running gear and listening to the playlist anyways.
