Plenty of women have difficulty giving themselves an orgasm. But don’t take a defeatist attitude! With the right tips, you can make yourself cum more powerfully than you ever thought possible, because every woman is capable of having an orgasm that can shatter windows and change the personalities of neighboring dogs. If you’re looking to up your O-game, here’s how to make yourself cum so hard you fall off the bed and right down the stairs.
Figure out what feels good.
Women masturbate in many different ways, but most enjoy some kind of clitoral stimulation, so start slowly and figure out what makes you feel good. If you’ve done yourself right, you’ll be cumming so hard you roll straight off your bed, onto the floor, then down the stairs until you hit the foyer. Much like flying through a windshield when you’re drunk, falling down the stairs when you’re cumming works out fine because both drinking and cumming act as muscle relaxants. Imagine a cumming flubber flopping down the stairs – that’ll be you! So what’re you waiting for, girl? Get to it!
Make time to practice.
Much like any other skill, masturbating requires practice, so make time for it. You might feel a little awkward at first, but when you really get into a rhythm you’ll know exactly how to make yourself finish so intensely you plummet right over the edge of your bed and then down a winding staircase, or around and around if it’s a long spiral staircase. To keep things from becoming predictable as you get into a routine, however, masturbate in different locations, like the bath. Fill up your tub with hot water and suds and try making yourself cum so hard you drown. Oops! Maybe we should be afraid of the female orgasm!
Never put pressure on yourself.
Being overly goal-oriented about climaxing can suck the fun out of masturbation, so never put pressure on yourself to orgasm until you reach the exact moment you feel ready to eat shit tumbling down the stairs. Think of what you’re doing as an exploration of what feels good to you and you alone. You don’t want to half-ass your orgasm so you only cum hard enough to fall in the crack between your bed and the wall. That’s a bad orgasm! Take however long you need to cum so hard you somersault a few stories down the stairs and into the basement where there is no light. You deserve it!
Never close your door.
This tip seems obvious but it’s important: Never close your door. Otherwise you won’t be able to roll seamlessly from your bed to the stairs. So leave it wide open, and don’t let anyone shame you into closing it. Better yet, leave the front door open as well so you can tumble right out your door, down the stairs then out the front door into the yard. Why hide your sexual liberation?
No matter how unsatisfying your sex life has been in the past, try these tips to give yourself a great orgasm. All your friends will be jealous when they ask, “How’d you get all those bruises?” and you say, “Oh I don’t know, I just finished so hard I fell down the stairs.”