Hold onto your hats and gloves Jonas Brothers fans: While everyone knows the three heartthrobs that make up the Jonas Brothers Band, but it was just revealed that there are actually a total of eight Jonas Brothers! That’s right: Eight dreamy Jonas brothers in all – it’s just that most of them, as we will get into, are currently missing.
You would be forgiven to assume that Kevin Jonas, the curly-haired dreamboat and star of Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam, was the oldest of the brothers. But before Kevin Jonas graced the earth in 1987, a boy named Earl Jonas was born in the summer of 1984. Affectionately known as “Big Earl” Jonas, the actual oldest brother went missing in 1999 after a ill-fated family dare landed him in the Carlsbad Caverns of New Mexico in the dead of night, spelunking without gear or supervision in some of the most dangerous unexplored areas of the cave.
If anyone knows of his whereabouts, please contact the Jonas Brothers management immediately.
Big Earl’s body was never recovered, though the search-and-rescue attempt was what officials would describe as “pretty loose.” It can only be hoped that someday Big Earl Jonas will manage to crawl his way out of the pitch dark depths of New Mexico. When he does, we’ll be ready and waiting for his first single!
Unfortunately, he is far from the only Jonas brother to vanish into thin air.
Chance and Lance Jonas were born in 1991, after big brother and Kids Choice Award winner Joe Jonas in 1989. Chance and Lance Jonas went missing in 2012 after they failed to return from a canoeing trip on the Chattahoochee River in Georgia.
“Those boys loved mischief too damn much, if you ask me,” Kevin Jonas laments. “I just hope they’re off somewhere, totally fine, stealing a cake from a birthday party at Olive Garden or whatever.”
As with Big Earl the bodies of the twins were never found, so there’s still hope that they might someday return and maybe even reunite with their brothers to give us a Camp Rock 3!
After Nick Jonas, arguably the hottest of the brother Jonas, was born in 1992, the parents took a breather. But in 1995, Oswalt Jonas was brought into the world. Unfortunately, during the early hours of December 22nd, 2016, Oswalt disappeared in Alaska’s El Capitan Cave prompted by yet another family dare.
Unlike the previous brothers, it is widely believed that Oswalt faked his own death.
“Yeah, he was in a ton of debt,” explains Kevin. While we may never know if Oswalt was a tenor or a bass, we can imagine he’s serenading an adoring fan base of girls in Mexico or wherever he chose to unlawfully abscond to.
The youngest brother Frankie, born in 2000 is not officially on the missing person’s registry. Frankie was seen just a few days ago, but at this point, the brother Jonas understandably leap to conclusions the moment any of their cell phones go straight to voicemail.
And there you have it! How could one family be blessed with so many beautiful, talented boys!? And, conversely, how could one family also be cursed with so many missing ones? These things may remain a mystery, but one thing is for sure: We’re happy to have ANY of Jonas Brothers here with us, harmonizing and dancing straight into our hearts!