DUDE CORNER: Hey, Have You Seen This Thing I Haven’t Started Looking for Yet? I’m hoping you’ll go look for it, even though you are currently having a one-on-one with your boss.
Look, It’s Up to El Salvador if They Want to Fix Our Indisputably Evil Fuckup Sorry, did I say fuckup? I meant victory.
Why Cigarettes Are Visually Disgusti – Oh, a Woman Is Holding One? Never Mind My eyes pop out of my head, my jaw drops, and my tongue rolls onto the floor.
Why I Stopped Focusing on the Negatives and Started Focusing on the Gay Incest in ‘The White Lotus’ Everything will be okay. Everything will not be okay with Saxon, but that’s not my problem.
DUDE CORNER: I Would Like to Come Back Into Your Life to Tell You How Well I’m Doing There are a lot of people who really like me now, and I need you to know that.
I LIVED IT: I Showed Friends My Favorite Movie and They Pointed Out All the Ways It’s Problematic The peanut gallery made their anger known.
Why It’s Rude to Be on Your Phone at a Restaurant Unless You Just Needed to Google Something Really Quick While being on your phone at a restaurant is objectively impolite, googling is okay because you’re providing something for the table.
I Miss the Good Old Days When a Macy’s Parade Balloon Would Kill Someone Every Once in a While There’s nothing like a 70-foot Snoopy balloon barreling toward you to remind you to cherish the little things in life.
I LIVED IT: I Retold a Story From Childhood and Realized I Was a Bully What the fuck? But this doesn’t align with my narrativized sense of self at all!
DUDE CORNER: Relax It’s Not Going to Be That Bad It’s starting to get hard to comfort you, not that I’ve tried.
DUDE CORNER: Trump Doesn’t Really Mean What He Says, Unless I Agree With Him It’s actually embarrassing that you didn’t understand he was joking, because he clearly was.
How I Finally Got In-Unit Laundry by Moving Into a Washing Machine Does it suck that my entire apartment spins whenever I use it? Yes.
I LIVED IT: I Made Fun of Myself and My Friend Added to the Bit Instead of Correcting Me What the hell?
I LIVED IT: My Computer Died Even Though I Only Had 25 Tabs Open and 3 Movies Playing How could such basic functions have brought my computer to its knees?
I’m Not a Passenger Princess. I’m a Trunk Troll. Passenger princesses are regal, chic, and captivating. Trunk trolls are in the trunk.
I LIVED IT: My Healing Was Linear but It Was Linear Downward It has been a line straight to rock bottom.
Here’s Why I Value Having a Clean Apartment––Wait, No, Don’t Look in That Closet That’s not the bathroom! Close that door!
DUDE CORNER: Get Ready to Hear Me Type I will be using fingers you’ve never really seen to touch letters you’d never expect.
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