Why I Want Him to Propose at Benihana so I Can Catch the Ring in My Mouth Followed of course by 18 pieces of shrimp.
I LIVED IT: Autocorrect Turned My Nonchalant Smiley Face Into a Cheeky Emoji A blushing emoji says, “I’m 14 and obsessed with you.”
Why I Quit My Full-Time Job to Focus on Hanging Out With My Unemployed Friends They wanted to play video games at 4 a.m. on a Thursday night because they all happened to wake up from nightmares at the same time.
I LIVED IT: I Asked for Someone’s Opinion on Two Options and They Chose the Wrong One I don’t want her to think that I don’t value her opinion, even though she was definitely wrong in this case.
Help! I Started a Project and Now I Have to Keep Working on It So, I just have to keep going? This is so unfair!
Why I Stopped Using Aluminum Deodorant Because It Was Locked Behind a Glass Case at CVS The idea of having to press that little button to call for an attendant just to grab a deodorant for me was too much to handle.
Why I’m Only Getting Married for the Small Chance That Rihanna Could Perform at My Wedding I’m not losing hope.
Why I Want a Guy Taller Than Me but Not Tall Enough That He Can See My Dandruff I would never list “from directly above” as one of my most flattering angles.
DUDE CORNER: She Asked if I Hated Her and I Answered Honestly. Now I’m the Bad Guy. If she wanted me to lie, I would have lied! I also made sure to tell her this, but it did not seem to help my case.
How I Keep My Skin Dewy and Moisturized by Riding a Log Flume Twice a Day The splash of flume water feels fantastic on my skin, and all the debris kicked up by the log really exfoliates my face and neck.
I Don’t Exercise to Be Able to Hold My Grandchildren. I Do It so I Can Dunk on Them. If I’m going to pull a 1988 Michael Jordan-esque reverse 180 dunk on a preteen, I’ll need all the bone density I can get.
I Chose a Pescatarian Diet Because I Fucking Hate Fish I believe that the world is a much better place without fish in it, and I’m proud to actively work towards that reality.
Why I’m Getting a Boyfriend Just so I Have Something to Tell My Hairstylist With four months between cuts, I had work to do.
Why I’m Having Kids so I Have Someone to Blame if My Makeup Looks Kind of Bad Oh, I let my kid do my eyeshadow today. Try and judge me now, jackass.
I Thought Something Was Racist, but Then I Saw a Sign Above It That Said ‘End Racism’ I saw the “Chiefs” end zone, but I was shocked to find that they had put “End Racism” right above it. Phew! That was a close one!
Why I’m Applying to Harvard After Getting ‘Genius’ in Spelling Bee I’m not quite sure I want to major in yet, but right now I’m leaning toward astrophysics.
Third Place? Here’s Why I Started Exploring the Sewers Third places where people can gather and connect for free are rapidly disappearing.