DUDE CORNER: Hey, Have You Seen This Thing I Haven’t Started Looking for Yet?

I’m hoping you’ll go look for it, even though you are currently having a one-on-one with your boss.

DUDE CORNER: I Would Like to Come Back Into Your Life to Tell You How Well I’m Doing

There are a lot of people who really like me now, and I need you to know that.

DUDE CORNER: Relax It’s Not Going to Be That Bad

It’s starting to get hard to comfort you, not that I’ve tried.

DUDE CORNER: Trump Doesn’t Really Mean What He Says, Unless I Agree With Him

It’s actually embarrassing that you didn’t understand he was joking, because he clearly was.

DUDE CORNER: Get Ready to Hear Me Type

I will be using fingers you’ve never really seen to touch letters you’d never expect.

Dude Corner: They Won’t Even Let You Be a Corrupt City Mayor Anymore

You can’t even commit the smallest bit of bribery and wire fraud and conspiracy and solicitation of a campaign contribution by a foreign national (x2).

DUDE CORNER: My Attachment Style Is No

I took a quiz online about four years ago, and my computer exploded.

DUDE CORNER: She Asked if I Hated Her and I Answered Honestly. Now I’m the Bad Guy.

If she wanted me to lie, I would have lied! I also made sure to tell her this, but it did not seem to help my case.

DUDE CORNER: I Don’t Have Any STIs Because I’ve Never Been Tested

I’m so beyond getting tested that all my buddies call me “fire crotch.”

DUDE CORNER: You Wouldn’t Get It

I can’t explain this to you, babe. I can’t explain this. You simply would not get it.

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Look, It’s Up to El Salvador if They Want to Fix Our Indisputably Evil Fuckup