Hey ladies! I’ve been hearing a lot of talk of “girl dinner” lately. Rest assured that I 1) know exactly what that is, and 2) understand all the jokes you’ve made about it! Cigarette? Girl dinner! Salami and bread? That’s a girl dinner! Veggies? Um, okay! Mac and cheese? That’s what I’m “girl dinner”-ing about. Desk and chair? Sure! Friend? Okay, actually what are the bounds here?
Anyway, I just wanted to peek my head in real quick and ask: Is there any room at girl dinner for this male feminist? The male feminist in question is me, and the girl dinner in question is the crackers and spread (?) you’re having without me right now.
I know that an event like this isn’t really the place for a guy to intervene, and I don’t mean to take up space, but if I may – which I will – I think girl dinner is the perfect place for me. You see, even though I can’t get enough of hanging with the bros, sometimes I find it so difficult to connect with men, because they don’t really “get it” the way I do! They haven’t done “the work” like I have, for example by having a mother and an ex-wife. They don’t understand that masculinity is a prison, and the patriarchal system is…also bad for some reason, which I know intimately.
Listen, I guess I don’t need to tell you guys why the patriarchy is bad. That being said, I’m going to do it: Patriarchy is bad because I’m not at the top of it, and frankly, neither are you. Is that prosciutto on the table? Mind if I just take a little nibble? Thank you.
So, ladies, how’re you enjoying your girl dinner? I feel like it’s probably twice as good as regular dinner, but it only makes 78 cents on the dollar, am I right? Haha! But just so you know, women’s oppression is no joke to me.
I think girl dinner could change the world, and personally, I’d love to be a part of it, or perhaps even lead it someday. A day like today.
Also, a friendly reminder that if you’re doing something that looks cool, but I’m not allowed to join, that’s actually discrimination, and it’s feminist of me to point that out. Keep in mind that if you do opt exclude me from girl dinner, I’m going to blow my goddamn top and somehow make this a “my body my choice” thing that deeply misrepresents and misunderstands the complexities of abortion rights. The choice is all yours, ladies!
