It’s not every day you get a chance to see your favorite indie band live, so when I copped tickets to “Jets for Pets,” it’s needless to say I was over the moon. Finally, a chance to listen to the music that got me through high school and into college and out of college prematurely and registered as a licensed nurse. I was also excited to meet other JetPets — our stan name — but when I arrived at the concert, the unthinkable happened. The fans were so unbelievably annoying that it made me question: Wait a second, am I annoying?
And the answer, if you would believe, is “Yeah, absolutely.”
I do my best not to engage in self-reflection at all, as my own quality of character is simply not my business. I’ve managed to make it my entire life without evaluating whether I’m a fun hang or enjoyable to be around — I’ve just safely assumed I am! I love being a stranger to myself, but everything changed at this concert, as I slowly realized that “my people” literally suck, which must mean I suck, too.
The second I arrived, I noticed everyone had a terrible sense of fashion and no spacial awareness, which made me realize that I also have a terrible sense of fashion and no spacial awareness. Why must I be forced to hold a mirror to myself in this way? What gives?
When the band started playing, I hoped the ordeal of self-reflection would be over. Alas, this was not the case. As I began to sway and dance, I noticed everyone around me had broken into stilted, atrocious motion that I soon identified as dance moves. I immediately noticed that my own dance moves were off-beat and frankly, embarrassing.
My world was crumbling around me, and I was powerless to stop the cascade of introspection. At this point, I couldn’t give a shit about the band. Someone asked me if I knew the song they were playing and, in a bout of anger, I yelled, “SHUT UP. WE’RE NOT THE SAME. I’M NOT ONE OF YOU.” Turns out he was a member of security, but there was no time to apologize — I was too busy losing my mind.
At the end of the day, I left with a shattered sense of self and a pretty cool t-shirt. Kind of a net zero!