How to Call Yourself a Witch Even Though You Shop at Madewell

So you want to get in touch with your divine feminine witchy wiles despite the fact that a majority of your wardrobe is from Fancy Gap? It may seem challenging, but it’s not impossible. With a little work and even littler self-reflection, you too can call yourself a witch even though you shop at Madewell. Here’s how:


Rewrite history.

It makes sense that as a presumably white (witch/Madewell combo skews caucasian) woman, you’d rather identify as the daughter of the witches they couldn’t burn instead of the daughter of the oppressed women who ultimately aligned themselves with white supremacy and patriarchy to retain their status in society. So rewrite history on a broad as well as personal level. Claim that you have a keen sense of your past lives, and know you were a pagan medicine woman in 13th century Ireland, so it therefore makes sense that you now consider yourself a witch even though you’re wearing a t-shirt and loose jean shorts combo that collectively cost over $200.


Buy more candles.

If you’re ready to harness the power of your inner magick, then use the great and powerful element Fire by purchasing some more scented candles for your apartment. And yes, they sell them at Madewell, so you don’t even have to make two stops. We’re not really sure what bergamot and neroli are, but they sound like they could be part of a witch’s elixir…your inner sorceress is growing stronger by the minute. And all in an outfit that says, “My work is art world-adjacent, but I am straight.”



Say, “This is what they fought for” about nothing in particular.

Self-explanatory. You can also make this statement an IG caption for any image. Be sure to use moon and star emojis to ease people into your new identity.


Plant the seeds of dark enchantment with these approaches to calling yourself a witch even though you shop at a boring store whose labor practices you aren’t really aware of, but they must be pretty good because their stuff is so expensive yet simple? And who knows, maybe one day you’ll go full-blown Wiccan and start shopping at Free People!