I LIVED IT: I Put Babyfeet on My Hands. Now I Have Tiny Widdle Baby Hands

Masturbation? I can’t even think about it. Too weowd.

I LIVED IT: I Waited 3 Days to Resume Tweeting About My Hemorrhoids

Hemorrhoid silence is butthole violence.

How could he do this to us? And why would he do it on Zoom?

Why didn’t they teach this in gym class growing up?

Was I doomed to have TERF bangs for the apocalypse?

I’m sorry, but what? I thought that shit was supposed to be edited out.

God, this is all so hopeless.

“Totally, totally,” they said in their jeans.

No one had any understanding or empathy for my unrelatable ass.

It was all too much.