The most important part of pulling off a new haircut is making it seem like this is the way things have always been. So when I decided to go from a long shag to an extremely drastic bob, I avoided revealing that the haircut was new at all costs. I didn’t want people to pity me, or worse, start imagining what I had looked like before. All my hard work was shot to hell, though, when my best friend — or rather, former best friend — outed me as just having gotten a haircut.
What the hell! Now everyone’s going to look again and notice I’m not really pulling it off now that they think about it!
When my friend Fernanda invited me to hang out with her friends yesterday, it was a dream scenario: five people who had not known me pre-haircut! I would be unburdened by the expectation that I’d show up with my classic shag — I could show up with my brand-new haircut, and no one would be the wiser.
You see, the best haircut-related compliment one can receive is, “Wow! It feels like your hair has always been this way!” and that’s no coincidence. The first few days post-haircut are extremely vulnerable: everyone knows you decided to “switch things up,” and that you really need the validation that it was a good decision. It’s obvious that you really care about your corporeal form and, even worse, have gone to great lengths to make it look chic.
Upon my arrival at dinner, Fernanda introduced me to the group and immediately said, “She got a haircut yesterday! Doesn’t it look so good?”
Saboteur! Villain!
The group gave a polite smattering of compliments, but I was mortified. What happened to just letting the cards fall as they may? What happened to letting me inhabit this new life as if it had always been my own?
I could tell no one really liked the haircut now that they were forced to consider it. They were just being nice. It felt like I could read their minds as they scanned my new cut.
“Embarrassing!” their thoughts screamed. “Delusional she thought she could make a bob work!”
Shamed beyond belief, I decided to leave the hang early and do the only thing I could think of to rectify the situation: shave my head. Fingers crossed no one notices it’s my first time!