In a tense story coming out of a movie theater in Brooklyn, NY, 28-year-old Maria Vargas has just attempted to justify her behavior to her fellow moviegoers after several incidents of shushing, saying that she simply can’t enjoy a movie unless she’s talking during it.
“Movies are about more than just simply watching!” Maria –– who had inexplicably chosen to stand up from her seat to address her critics –– explained to a theater full of increasingly angry-looking individuals. “They’re meant to be discussed, dissected, analyzed. They’re meant to spark conversations and fuel debate!”
Several moviegoers attempted to push back on Maria’s statements, arguing that those discussions are meant to be had after the movie is over. However, Maria chose to ignore their comments and plow ahead.
“What’s the point of even going to a movie if you can’t whisper-yell a stream-of-consciousness style play-by-play of each scene as it’s happening?” Maria added, now standing on the little platform in front of the screen to better communicate with everyone in the theater. “Where’s the fun in sitting silently for several hours, and forgetting all the little comments you had by the time you’re out of the theater?”
Again, multiple individuals in the theater took issue with what Maria had to say.
“I don’t get why she doesn’t just watch movies at home, then,” one moviegoer whispered to the people sitting around them, who all quietly and respectfully murmured their agreement. “Movie theaters are a public space, you need to be respectful of other people’s experience.”
Another moviegoer addressed Maria directly, saying, “Sit the fuck down!”
In spite of all the pushback she was receiving, Maria looked positively overjoyed, yelling over the climax of the movie, “This is what it’s all about! Wait, what just happened? I missed it!”
As of press time, Maria had been coaxed back to her seat by her friend, who had just waved a popcorn bucket around a bunch. When the cheers, claps, and “Thank fuck”’s had died down, Maria added, “The only thing better than talking during a movie is eating popcorn,” spurring on another round of furious shushing.
