Thoughts ARCHIVES

I LIVED IT: I Went to a Big Group Dinner and We All Ordered the Same Thing

I LIVED IT: I Did My Hair but the Meeting Turned Out to Be Cameras-Off

How I Save Hundreds on Exfoliants by Fucking Hairy Guys

DUDE CORNER: I Don’t Have Any STIs Because I’ve Never Been Tested

Why I Define My Success by How Many Beauty Services I Can Afford

I LIVED IT: I Brought Lunch so I Had to Eat the Lunch I Brought

Why I’m Glad Lauren Boebert Was at That Beetlejuice Performance Because No One Noticed Me Taking a Shit in the Aisle

Why I Don’t Believe in Astrology Unless It Reaffirms Something I Already Thought

I LIVED IT: I Was Older Than the Main Character in a Movie

Why Him Running Over a Family of Four With His Car Gave Me the ‘Ick’

How I’m Healing My Inner Child by Only Eating Foods Shaped Like Cartoon Characters

DUDE CORNER: You Wouldn’t Get It

I LIVED IT: My Catholic Grandma Lit a Candle for Me and I’m Still $100,000 in Debt

I LIVED IT: I Took an Edible to Sleep but Ended Up Eating a Third Dinner

Why I’m Not Having Kids Because I Can’t Go Nine Months Without Riding a Rollercoaster

Why I Quit My Underpaying Job of Killing Spotted Lanternflies

I LIVED IT: I Made Plans

How I Survived My Family Vacations by Not Going to Them

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