Parties are meant to be a space of celebration — of jubilation. We are meant to bond, dance, release. But all these dreams can become undone in an instant, with one horrific wrong turn. At least, that’s what happened to me when I asked an acquaintance a question and then was forced to listen to the entire answer.
God, it was fucking awful. Why did I put myself in this position?
I was casually chatting with two people when one of them walked away, leaving me in a one-on-one conversation with literally some random man. At a complete loss, I asked him, “So what do you do?” And then the unthinkable occurred: He told me.
As he moved his mouth and tongue to make words, I stood there, powerless to take any action beyond listening to the sentences he was forming.
Why would I ever want to know what someone does? Are you a private investigator? Are you Rihanna’s bodyguard? Are you the treasurer of a sex cult? If not, please keep it to a one-word answer. Anything more and I will literally fucking die.
Of course, I can’t say what he does do, because while I was listening, I was not hearing. How could I? I caught the words “digital” and “market” so I assume he works at the Neopets grocery store or something, but I’m really not sure.
Listening to the answer to the question that I asked was one of the most boring things that has ever happened to me, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
When he finally finished talking after what I assume was 200 minutes, he asked me what I do, and I responded “Um, I forget” and walked away, because had I stayed any longer I’d have died (this is a real and common occurrence). My heart rate had already plummeted as my body attempted hibernation to get me through this man’s response.
So be careful. Asking questions like “How are you?” “Where are you from?” “Do you know where I can find a cup?” may seem innocent, but you’re putting yourself in a highly dangerous situation where you might have to listen to the answer. Never again!