How To Check Your Breasts For Lumps Without Getting Too Horny
Massaging your breast tissue is about health, not feeling the supple skin of your delicious chest melons.
Man Reminisces About Joke Immediately After Telling It
“He doesn’t really get that there’s a grace period between when you can tell a joke and then tell it again.”
5 Cute Cat Toys You Won’t Buy Because You Can’t Risk Her Loving Something More Than You
Give her absolutely nothing even though she does deserve the world!
5 Healthy Meals That Will Make Your Stomach Sound Like Treebeard
Each one is guaranteed to make you feel light and refreshed, and to leave your stomach gurgling and growling like Treebeard from Lord of the Rings!
Quiz: Are You Shook Or Do You Just Need a Warmer Winter Coats?
Are you genuinely freaking out or is your fashionable coat not cut out for actual winter weather?
5 Cathedral Steps to Collapse On Dramatically When You Simply Can’t Go On
You can’t just keep getting bangs!
4 Tragedies to Mention When Your Friend Announces Their Good News
It’s important to celebrate your friends while letting them know that massive tragedies occur regularly.
How to Stop Caring So Much About What You Look Like By Focusing On How Shitty You Feel
Stop wasting time trying to achieve impossible beauty standards by focusing on how fucking awful you feel!
How To Avoid Being Fired While Also Being The First Choice For Lay-Offs
Find the perfect balance between likeability and uselessness!
4 Gorgeous Armchairs For You to Bump Into and Apologize to Over and Over Again
Get yourself a throne to apologize to, queen!
5 Bold Red Lipsticks To Empower Your Front Tooth
A dollop of creamy lipstick splattered across your tooth is the perfect pick-me-up.
5 Holiday Treats You Won’t Make Because You’re Eating Chocolate Chips Out of the Bag Again
Wow, what an unsatisfying yet addictive snack!
How to Sing ‘Santa Baby’ So Seductively That Your Audience Will Wonder If You Actually Fucked Santa
People will be thinking, “By chimney, does she mean vagina?”
How To Create A Safe Space For You and Your Little Friends To Talk Shit
If you and your trifling little friends are going to talk major shit, it’s important to find a safe space.
3 Knitting Patterns to Bring More Stress Into Your Life
Cute patterns that’ll have you asking yourself why you’re not good at anything in no time!
5 Arguments to Pick With Friends You Can’t Afford To Buy Presents For
Totally worth triggering all of her childhood trauma to not have to explain the absence of a $20 gift!
How to Cut Out All the People who are Not Obsessed with Your Dog
There are no excuses for being an absolute dick to your perfect angel dog!
Workplace Sexism That’ll Have Your Boss Saying, ‘That Doesn’t Sound Like Him’
Cool! If one of your favorite perks of office culture is being invisible to men, this is your dream job!