It’s finally here: the day off you scheduled weeks in advance for the simple reason of one goddamn day free from the chains of your mind-numbing, soul-sucking corporate job. Here’s how to curl up in your bed, relax, and enjoy these next 24 hours of being off the clock, even though your bedroom unfortunately also doubles as your office.
Remember that even though your bedroom is also your office, your office is also your bedroom.
Did that do anything? No? Okay, let’s try something else:
Reorganize your space until it no longer bears any resemblance to a room where you once did work.
This will, in fact, take up most of your day off, but at least by the end of it you’ll be able to lie down in your bed, put on that movie you’ve been meaning to watch, and enjoy a few blissful moments in a room untainted by “Just following up” emails or Teams notifications or – shit! You forgot to hide your work laptop from sight. Put that away before your brain starts to remember that this room is also the place where you have your quarterly performance reviews on Zoom with your boss.
Three words: DIY sensory deprivation.
You don’t need to go to an expensive sensory deprivation tank in order to strip away your body’s ability to remember where it is. Just grab a pillow case, some duct tape, your loudest box fan, and crank your humidifier all the way up – you’ll be mentally adrift in a disorienting hellscape of your own creation in no time!
Go outside!
Just kidding – can you imagine?
Experiment with substances.
If the vibe of your office-bedroom is ruining your day off, and going outside isn’t an option because you don’t want to do that, take matters into your own hands by experimenting with LSD, peyote, PCP, or psilocybin! Hallucinogens offer you the opportunity to explore space and time as a non-corporeal being, while your physical form remains tethered to your desk-bed. Just make sure to take them sooner rather than later, because it’s getting late, this trip is going to last eight hours, and work starts in four.
There you have it! With these simple tips, you’ll be enjoying a stress-free day off in your bedroom in no time – even though that’s coincidentally also where you spend eight hours a day answering emails, taking meetings, and making spreadsheets. Just make sure you don’t enjoy yourself too much and accidentally run late for work tomorrow! Just kidding, you’re already quite literally at the office. Maybe you should try getting a head start on all those emails you missed today? Your laptop is, like, right there.
