In a story that celebrates the life-long quest of knowledge, 27-year-old bookworm Sadie Hudson has always prided herself on her reading schedule of at least one book per week, but despite her erudition, the people closest to her have discovered that she is still terrible at reading the room.
“I just read C.D. Greer’s new book! Don’t hate me for saying this but I honestly didn’t like it,” Sadie told reporters, who she seemingly did not realize they were writing down everything she was saying to report it. “Please don’t tell anyone I say that.”
Sadie’s closest friends have noticed that she misreads situations more often than the average person, even though she also reads more books than the average person.
“When I had just broken up with my girlfriend of three years, I texted all of my friends to come over to my place,” Sadie’s friend Maurice told reporters. “When she came in, I was sobbing with all of my other friends holding me, but she came in blasting ‘Party Rock’ by LMFAO on her iPhone while holding a six-pack of White Claws, repeatedly asking, ‘Why is the vibe so weird in here right now?’”
According to Sadie, this was not strange at all.
“I still don’t really get what I did wrong in that situation,” she said. “When I go through a breakup, all I want to do is party! I mean, I literally brought poppers and no one even wanted to try them. Not sure why I’m the bad guy if I’m the only one who did them?”
“Yeah, it was pretty awkward,” another one of Sadie’s friends, Jaden, told reporters. “Maurice was talking about all of these things her girlfriend did over their relationship that she had never processed until that day, but Sadie just kept recommending different books that might help her, which she might’ve appreciated at another time, but not then.”
When asked about this detail, Sadie remained unmoved about her offering of suggestions.
“Oh yeah, I gave her a whole list of novels that I thought she could really get something out of,” she said. “And honestly, now that I think about it, I’d love to check some of them out from the library again. Are you guys free right now? Do you want to come with me?”
Reporters declined the offer, but did note that this was peculiar considering that they were clearly still working at their jobs by interviewing Sadie.
