REPORT: Black Woman Not Surprised

Recently, it has been confirmed that Black woman Ida Huntley is, in fact, not surprised.


“I’ve been black and a woman for my whole life,” said Ida. “So at this point, no, nothing surprises me.”


According to Ida, the constant lack of shock extends to many aspects of her existence, including her career, the current administration, and the general public.


“A less-qualified white guy got a promotion over me? Naturally. The White House is doing everything in its power to prevent disenfranchised black folks from voting? Tale as old as time,” she explained, as she calmly painted her nails. “Even people on the subway fail to amaze me in any way. It’s like, of course this old white lady I sit next to is going to clutch her purse closer to her.”


“Nothing is new to me,” she added, taking a long and unbothered sip of her latte.


Interestingly enough, reactions to this news have shown that this perpetual state of non-astonishment is shared almost universally by black women.


“Certain people are really shook by all the racism and sexism and LGBTQ-hate going on in the country right now,” said Akilah Terrence, another black woman. “For me, this is business as usual. Same goes for my mother, and her mother, and her mother. I guess black women are just used to feeling betrayed by institutions that have historically protected everyone else.”


“Nothing is out of the realm of horrible possibility for black women, so I’m never surprised,” said D’Imani Kent. “White people are out here acting brand new. How are you gonna read a history book or listen to minorities tell you about all the messed up shit they constantly experience for years and just now find the time to act shocked?”


“It’s almost like no one listens to black women until it’s too late. Then they all look to us to save them,” she added.


For Ida and others, shock and awe is a privilege that they don’t get to have.



“If someone threw me a surprise party, then I’d be surprised,” said Ida, casually making a stir-fry. “But existing as a black woman in a world that values you so little, not much else would. I’ve pretty much seen and heard it all.”


“Matter of fact, why has no one ever thrown me a surprise party?” she added.