In a new study out of the University of Notre Dame, researchers have discovered that – contrary to popular belief – you’re not bad with money at all, you’re actually just exceptionally good at buying clothes you’ll never wear.
“Our extensive research has revealed that, as opposed to your previous assumptions, you’re actually really good with money!” Lead Researcher Dr. Raina DeBoise explained in a press conference last week. “You pay your rent on time, you don’t book trips you can’t afford…really, the only reason you find yourself low on money at the end of the month is because you’re in the top 1% of people who buy clothes that’ll just gather dust in a closet. Isn’t that better?”
Dr. DuBois explained that this is better than just straight up being bad with money, because it’s framed in terms of something that you’re good at – why is that so hard for people to understand?
You told reporters that while this study offered you no material ways to stop spending all of your money, it did make you feel kind of nice to be told that you’re good at something.
“Usually, all I hear is, ‘Oh, you should return those jeans you bought that don’t fit you,’ or ‘Oh, it’s not good to keep buying sunglasses even though you hate wearing sunglasses,’” you explained. “No one’s ever framed my impulse-shopping as a skill before. It feels good to finally be seen for who I am: someone who’s really good with money except if they see an Instagram ad for pants made out of a quilt that they feel compelled to buy but will statistically never wear.”
Dr. DuBois added that it’s a common misconception to label people “bad with money” when, in reality they’re good with money, but just in a “good at spending it on unnecessary, poorly made, and, frankly, ugly pieces of clothing” type of way.
The study concluded by saying that, in addition to being really, really good at buying clothes you’ll never, ever wear, you also ranked exceptionally high in the “has never and will never return an item of clothing no matter how poorly it fits” and “has all of their credit card information already pre-filled-out on all of their devices including their Kindle” categories.
