In a story coming out of an office building in San Francisco, CA, 28-year-old marketing associate Jane Rafferty says she absolutely loves doing a good job at work – but not quite as much as she loves doing a mediocre job and leaving early.
“Nothing beats the feeling of knowing you’ve put 100% into your job,” Jane told reporters, while already packing up to leave at 4:00 p.m. “Well, nothing except the feeling of putting like 40% or 50% into your job then dipping out early. That’s definitely a better feeling.”
Sources say that, actually, Jane has very rarely chosen doing good work over doing borderline bad work and leaving before five.
“She said she loves doing a good job?” Jane’s boss, Marcia, asked reporters. “Well, that’s news to me. I always thought she loved the feeling of sneaking out when she thought I wasn’t looking.”
Jane’s coworkers agreed, adding that if Jane loved doing a good job so much, then maybe she should consider doing it more.
“The last time she did a ‘good job’ was back in 2018, I think,” said Jane’s long-time coworker, Pauline. “Ever since then, whenever I try to reach out to her about deliverables or anything, I always get her out of office email back. Even as early as, like, noon. It’s so obvious that she values mediocrity and leaving the office as early as possible over everything else.”
When informed of her coworker’s comments, Jane was shocked.
“I’ve definitely done a good job in the last six years!” she said. “At least I think I have…I can’t remember a time off the top of my head right now, but I’m sure it will come to me.”
As of press time, Jane still hadn’t come up with an instance of doing a good job on anything after 2018, and was considering changing her ways and staying however long it took to feel like her work was the best it could possibly be. However, she quickly realized that doing a good job doesn’t feel nearly as good as doing an okay job and getting an early start on her train ride home.
“It doesn’t even come close,” she said. “I guess it’s just mediocrity and beating the commute crowd or nothing for me.”
