In a devastating story emerging from San Francisco, CA, 24-year-old Tiara Wilkins just deleted TikTok from her phone for the sake of her mental health, but now she has, like, nothing left to talk about.
“I was spending hours on TikTok every day,” Tiara told reporters gathered at the scene. “And it was starting to take a toll on my mood and wellbeing. I knew I had to delete it, but I didn’t realize how much space TikTok videos and trends take up in my conversational lexicon. I have nothing left.”
Tiara realized this was a problem when her friend asked what she’d been up to, and she could only say, “Work, I guess?”
“What the hell?” she continued, aghast. “How did I not have a new phrase to reference or a controversy to weigh in on?”
She’d hoped she could get the conversation going by talking about how she just deleted TikTok, but that wasn’t nearly as helpful as she’d hoped.
“It was not a conversation starter at all,” she said, head in her hands. “What could they say back? ‘Oh, cool’? If anything, saying that I’d deleted TikTok really made things awkward. They felt judged for not deleting it, I felt bad for bringing it up, and there was this insurmountable wall of silence opening up between us.”
She also realized her lack of cultural knowledge came at a real price.
“People keep referencing viral sounds, and I have no clue what they’re talking about,” she continued, frantic. “Viral sounds out of context just sound crazy! You sound crazy!”
Considering how bleak the landscape is looking, Tiara fears she’s going to have to wait about three months for the current TikTok content to trickle down to Instagram Reels.
“But by then, the discourse will certainly have moved on,” she said. “I’m toast.”
Tiara tried a variety of other avenues to gather fun stuff to talk about, such as reading the actual news and watching live sports, but without the added commentary of a 19-year-old on TikTok telling her why any of it was tone deaf, it was simply no use.
As of press time, Tiara decided it was time to try any means necessary to find conversation fodder, so she became active on Facebook again.
“Wait, this is so fun,” she said, finally lighting up again. “Did you guys know my uncle has kind of become a Nazi?”
