My Backup Guy Became ‘The One Who Got Away’
Who knew I’d be destined to like him, then ignore him, then lose him, then totally fall head over heels for him.
Here’s Some Generic Unsolicited Advice
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that you have to take the road less traveled!
My Boyfriend Won’t Date Me – Should I be Concerned?
My boyfriend recently told me that we aren’t actually dating and to leave him alone.
I Needed a Vacation From My Vacation! So I Abandoned My Family Forever.
None of my boys noticed me cashing the rest of our traveler’s checks – not even my husband! Ha ha ha.
I Faked My Own Pregnancy for the Maternity Leave
So many employees would use a so-called mental-health day. Didn’t they owe me a “mental health half-a-year?”
I Discovered My Dishwasher was Actually a Human Being
I had thought Maria was a top-of-the-line South American brand. She was a real person and I had no idea.
Banned From FIT…Again
I just wanted to climb on top of the sneeze guard and flash my pink bits to the lunch crowd.
You Like Me? What is Wrong With You?
“In addition to being physically repulsive, I am a terrible, awful, boring, lame, human being.”
No Way In Hell is My Boyfriend Getting Out Of Apple Picking This Year
If he thinks he’s going to make it to November without painting miniature pumpkins and gourds, he is one sorely mistaken motherfucker.
Jennifer Lawrence Will Show Me Her Boobs When She’s Good And Ready
I’ve never forgotten that she’s a human being, and she’s really going to appreciate how chill and unfazed I am when we first meet.
I Was a Rich Person Trapped in an Upper-Middle Class Person’s Body
I became addicted to generic Valium—I could never afford the name-brand stuff in quantity.
It’s the Little Things in Life, Like Knowing Your Family is Getting Enough Fiber
“Hey, those kids, me and my husband, we’re all full of fiber, and we’re gonna be alright.”
What The Fuck Is Wrong With All My Friends?
I might have to cut all 466 of my friends loose if they can’t get their acts together.
My Sister’s Wedding is Not All That It Seems
I’m still coming from having all that rice thrown at me.
Whatever Happened To: That Bitch
That bitch is currently single and not as pretty as she used to be.