My Best Friend Told Me She Just Wants To Be Friends
I’m pretty sure she was emotionally cheating on me with her, but whatever.
Why Are Trans People Always Trying to Watch Me Pee?
Why must they doggedly pursue a scintillating glimpse of my urinating body? Why?
You’re A Gemini? That’s Why You’re So Flaky!
Wow, all of your worst qualities really make sense to me now!
How a Himalayan Salt Lamp Calmed My Anxiety and Stopped My Day Murders
Within a few days of basking in its soothing light, my murderous impulses greatly subsided.
The Ghost Of Joan Rivers Has Been Criticizing My Fashion Choices
“I began to realize I was in the presence of a ghost. An acerbic, trailblazing ghost who hated my outfits.”
Bruce Jenner’s Transition Is My Business
After months of public speculation, Bruce Jenner, former Olympic gold medalist and Keeping Up the Kardashians star, is finally set...
Don’t Judge – My Bad Music Got Me Through a Bad Time in My Life
You like songs that pump you up? I like songs that reaffirm the horrible times I’ve been through.
I Wore Denim on Denim on Denim
Wearing denim on denim on denim is every bit the nightmare on nightmare on nightmare it sounds like.
You Won’t Believe What Happens When Men Find Out I’m A Super-Hot Christian!
I’m normal-hot, but I’m also hot for Jesus.
How I Learned to Love My Abscessed Tooth
That’s right. One of my teeth is infected and dead, and I am proud of it.
Sorry I’m So Late, I Got Lost In My Purse
But seriously, I just got lost in it for at least two hours.
Stop Dogsplaining Me!
I’m tired of stupid dogs inconsiderately interrupting everything I have to say!
I Lost 20 Pounds by Running After People Holding the Door Open
I never would have burned the calories if not for the fear of disappointing strangers.
I’m A Feminist With A Lowercase, Comic Sans “f”
That’s right, comic sans. Who said that feminists don’t know how to have fun?
I Thought Meghan Trainor was British
That’s when it hit me: This songbird of the UK was a born-and-raised American.
I’ll Start Texting Again When They Finally Make a Taco Emoji
How did this happen? You made a wall calendar AND a desk calendar, but no taco?!