Melania Trump Responds: ‘The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself’
I wrote my speech and intend to write many more. Now Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!
I’m Not Like Other Girls, Except That an IKEA Dresser Has Fallen On Me
This happens to every girl at some point in her life—and that’s like, the only thing I have in common with them.
Women Are Ghostbusters Now, So You Better Fucking Text Me Back
“Who you gonna call?” It better be me and it better be soon.
I Have A Bike Basket, So Yeah, I’m Definitely Adorable
Next on my list is adding a charming little bell.
I Have Already Thrown Back All of My Memories
If I have to go another week without slapping the Juno filter on a dated photograph of myself, I might go crazy.
I Fucked Him Just To Get Those Cargo Shorts Off
Finally, I could get to know the real Brandon. The Brandon with a reasonable number of pockets.
My Bathroom Stall Door Is Stuck So Now I Have to Live Here
Home is where the heart is, and right now my heart is in this bathroom stall.
Nobody Is Perfect But Erin is Close and I Hate Her for That
Honestly, I could just push her in a fucking well.
I Still Live With My Ex And Also This Wily Raccoon
We’ve just kind of given her the kitchen and are hoping she doesn’t take over anything else.
It’s Important That You Vote With My Conscience This Election
Above all, listen to what my heart says.
My Boyfriend Is Actually A Pop-Up Ad I Can’t Close
Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to watch a 15 second phone ad, but relationships are about compromises.
People Know I’m a Fashionista Because My Shirt Says ‘Fashionista’
I just slip on this bedazzled tank and I’m ready to roll!
I Refuse to Be Labeled by Anything Except For These Huge Hermes Belt Buckles
You can’t categorize me, unless you use the giant H on my belt buckle.
How Dating An Older Man Helped Me Learn To Check My Voicemail
I had never checked my voicemail in my life, but when Roger explained the simple process, I felt so free.
We Were All Ready To Go And Then Michelle Had to Pee
We were about to walk out the door, and then everything fell apart.
Do You Wanna Split Something, or Are You a Total Cow?
We could split the fajitas, unless you’re an absolute glutton.
If You Think That Murdering Is Okay, Please Unfriend Me
I don’t need that kind of ignorance on my timeline.