How to Eat That Slice of Cake Too Quickly For Mom to Comment

Style

5 Claire’s Accessories To Pass off as That Family Heirloom You Lost

Perfect for fooling your family into thinking you haven’t lost the treasured heirlooms they bestowed on you.

Living

The Top 5 Places to Hide Your Massive Microbead Collection

Hide your precious stash of tiny plastic balls now that the government banned microbeads.

Love and Sex

5 Romantic Valentine’s Day Restaurants to Take Velvety Dumps In

This year, embrace the romance of your big soft dumps!

Entertainment

Iconic Idris Elba Characters to Think About While Jared Fucks You Poorly

Here’s how to get in the mood despite the fact that Jared’s a terrible, terrible lay.

Style

4 Tote Bags That Say ‘I’m Smart but It’ll Take Me a Week to Realize You Ghosted’

Go ahead, re-send that text you sent twelve hours ago.

Love and Sex

The Best Vocal Warmup Exercises for Screaming Orgasms

You don’t want to sound like you have marbles in your mouth!

Living

Senior Superlatives You Deserved But Didn’t Win Because No One Knew Who You Were

Some of us didn’t win any superlatives because no one paid attention to us.

Entertainment

Our Copy Editor’s Unfun Correction of the ‘Formation’ Lyrics

She wouldn’t stop talking about it until we promised to publish these corrections.

Love and Sex

Roast a Chicken to Make Him Park His Dick For Life

Once he gets his mouth on this, his dick is parked in your pussy garage for the foreseeable future.

Living

10 Stress Dreams Everyone Has But Hillary Clinton Has All of Them In the Same Order Every Night

Know that you are not alone in your stress dreaming, and that Hillary Clinton has it much worse.

Love and Sex

What to Do When You Realize You’re Wearing Period Underwear Instead of Sex Underwear

Just turn the fucking lights off!

News

Boss Wants to Know if Obvious Statement Makes Sense

“I’m trying, you know? I’m really trying. Does that make any sense?”

Living

One-Act Plays You Can Direct Instead of Watching the Super Bowl

Super Bowl Sunday can be pretty lonely if you prefer the magic of theater to the football field.

Living

The Best Restaurant Avocado Toasts That Say, ‘I’m Fiscally Irresponsible’

Who cares if you make minimum wage when you’ve got all that smooth green spread in front of you!

Living

Where to Secretly Eat the Super Bowl Snacks You Made for Your Husband’s Party

On the day of the big game, a woman often asks herself, “What have I eaten today?”

Entertainment

iPhone Games for When Your White Friends Are Talking About Broadway Again

Try not to let it slip that you thought Les Mis was a fancy type of dildo.

Thoughts

My Husband Was Right: It’s Not Cold In Here

The truth is, I can’t argue with the hard evidence staring me in the face.

Living

7 Times You Pronounced Valentime’s Day Wrong

Dammit!!! We did it again.

Style

Red-Hot Outfits to Match All of His Red Flags

Meeting a man covered in red flags, your first thought is always, “Oooh, I look great in red!”

Living

What to Do If You’re Spending Galentine’s Day Alone This Year

Don’t spend it rolling your eyes at that group of friends walking arm in arm down the street.

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RECENT POSTS

How to Eat That Slice of Cake Too Quickly For Mom to Comment

5 Claire’s Accessories To Pass off as That Family Heirloom You Lost

The Top 5 Places to Hide Your Massive Microbead Collection

5 Romantic Valentine’s Day Restaurants to Take Velvety Dumps In

Iconic Idris Elba Characters to Think About While Jared Fucks You Poorly

4 Tote Bags That Say ‘I’m Smart but It’ll Take Me a Week to Realize You Ghosted’

The Best Vocal Warmup Exercises for Screaming Orgasms

Senior Superlatives You Deserved But Didn’t Win Because No One Knew Who You Were

Our Copy Editor’s Unfun Correction of the ‘Formation’ Lyrics

Roast a Chicken to Make Him Park His Dick For Life

10 Stress Dreams Everyone Has But Hillary Clinton Has All of Them In the Same Order Every Night

What to Do When You Realize You’re Wearing Period Underwear Instead of Sex Underwear

Boss Wants to Know if Obvious Statement Makes Sense

One-Act Plays You Can Direct Instead of Watching the Super Bowl

The Best Restaurant Avocado Toasts That Say, ‘I’m Fiscally Irresponsible’

Where to Secretly Eat the Super Bowl Snacks You Made for Your Husband’s Party

iPhone Games for When Your White Friends Are Talking About Broadway Again

My Husband Was Right: It’s Not Cold In Here

7 Times You Pronounced Valentime’s Day Wrong

Red-Hot Outfits to Match All of His Red Flags

What to Do If You’re Spending Galentine’s Day Alone This Year