4 Tote Bags That Say ‘I’m Smart but It’ll Take Me a Week to Realize You Ghosted’

The dating game is as competitive as ever and it’s only getting harder to stand out in a sea of socially competent women, especially when you’re a sensitive intellectual type who sees the best in everyone. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t flaunt what you’ve got! Here are a few tote bags to show your Tinder date that you’re ready to debate semiotics over a beer and then continue to text them for a week without response.


1. Library Card: Yellow Tote Bag (Out of Print Clothing, $20)

This library card book bag shows that you actually, completely read Infinite Jest, but you still don’t understand how read receipts work, nor would you ever be suspicious enough of another human’s evasiveness to consider why you might use them. Go ahead, re-send that text you sent twelve hours ago. It’s quite responsible of you to want to make sure they didn’t “sleep read” it.



2. Lost in the Stacks Tote (The Strand, $18.95)

Carry up to five of McSweeney’s Quarterly Concerns in this tote while you stare at your stagnant SMS notifications screen. Use the bag’s inner pocket to carry pencils for writing down humorous quips for the next date that you are sure will happen. Why haven’t you heard from him? You sure hope he’s okay and that nothing bad happened to him.


3. Hall of Primates Canvas Tote (American Museum of Natural History, $24.99)

Remind yourself of the animal magnetism you two shared over three electric dates with this Hall of Primates tote bag! You haven’t heard from him since you two hooked up on Saturday, but he’s probably just busy catching up on Sons of Anarchy before calling to set up another date.



4. Classic NPR Tote (NPR, $30)

Support your local radio station and binge-listen to Planet Money episodes so you can understand your next date with that financial analyst hottie. He may be indefinitely “busy with work”, but you’ll be ready to impress when his next 11pm “u up?” text rolls in. Looks like you two have a profitable future together!


You’re a smart but naïve girl. Make that clear to the men you date with these sweet, but almost too sweet bags!