‘Women Are So Catty’ Says Man Who Regularly Gets in Fights Over Parking Spots

Demonstrating a remarkable lack of self-awareness, 37-year-old Mark Wheeler, who has gotten in over 15 fights over parking spots this year alone, declared that “women are so catty” at the bar this Friday.


Wheeler, who flies into an all-consuming rage when a stranger takes the parking spot that he wants, sees no issue with sharing his generalized and derogatory observations about the attitudes and behavior of women.


“Thank God I’m not a woman,” says Wheeler. “I don’t have time for that passive aggressive crap, it’s not my style.”


Despite this claim, Parking lot witnesses confirm Wheeler’s behavioral style appears to be actively aggressive.


“The thing about men,” explains Wheeler, “is we know how to resolve conflicts through confrontation. When a woman doesn’t like someone, she’ll say mean things about her behind her back. When I don’t like someone, I tell them. People love how direct I am.”


Jay Sanchez, a recipient of Wheeler’s parking rage, took issue with this characterization.


“I did not love how direct he was,” says Sanchez. “His face turned bright red and he starting frantically gesturing and shouting at me for simply pulling into an open parking space. It was really scary. I think he has rage problems.”


Rather than confront said problems, Wheeler, who also yells at people who parallel park too slowly, seems content to explicate what he sees as the many social shortcomings of women.


“Women can’t just be friends, they always have to pick each other apart for something or other,” says Wheeler. “It’s just easier for men to get along because we don’t get hung up on the little stuff. Men are easy.”


Despite Wheeler’s claims that men are easier to get along with, the psychology of cursing at strangers is more complex than most can fathom.


“I was with Mark the other day,” says his sister, Mckenna Wheeler. “He was lecturing me because I said I felt like mom wasn’t supportive during my divorce, then all of a sudden someone takes the spot he had an eye on and he starts fully screaming. He actually got out of the car.”



After Wheeler exhausted himself verbally sparring with an equally rageful parker, he returned to his conversation with his sister.


“Enough about mom,” Wheeler reportedly said. “I don’t have time for that petty drama.”