‘Moms Love Me!’ Says Man Who Is Definitely a Sociopath

On Tuesday evening, 28-year-old boyfriend Danny Haskell told his new girlfriend that “all moms love me” and “yours will, too.” And while this statement reassured 29-year-old Sasha Peterson in Haskel’s potential as a partner, it was the first of many statements Haskel would make to hide the fact that he is definitely a sociopath.


“I don’t know what it is, but moms just immediately like me,” said Danny, who, based on this statement alone for sure has some sort of serious personality disorder. “I get along with all moms.”


Haskel, of course, is absolutely correct that moms love him.


“He was so sweet,” says Ronda Mintz, the mother of one of Haskell’s ex girlfriends. “When he came over for the first time, he brought me a candle as a gift! He told me my house was beautiful, and that it was clear I took good care of my skin. I was so surprised when he stole $40,000 from my daughter then disappeared. He was so charming!”


Reports indicate that, upon meeting a woman’s mom for the first time, he will say, “But you look like sisters!”


Experts agree that this alone is enough to diagnose him as a master manipulator who is unable to feel empathy.


And though his assertion that moms love him is essentially admitting that he’s a deceitful monster who can’t love and merely ingratiates himself to people so he can steal from them, Peterson has not caught on. As of publication, she was excited to introduce him to her mom.



Peterson, on the other hand, has never said anything like, “Your mom will love me!” because she correctly understands that getting to know someone is the basis of liking them and that she’ll never instantaneously woo someone’s mom and dad with her wit and charm like some sort of Jane Austen novel in which the parents are stupid as hell. Still, this understanding has not led her to place distance between herself and Haskell, who also recently said, “Your mom looks like she dresses really well.”


For now, Peterson is happy to be very in love, and ignore the warning signs, despite the fact that asserting that moms love you is a 100 percent indicator that a man is — according to the mental disorder classifications of the DSM-5 — a lowkey Joker-level nightmare of a person.


All evidence leads to the fact that your mom’s gonna love this guy.