All Our “Sexy Cop” Fantasies Are Now Completely Ruined

Remember the good ol’ days when you could spice things up in the bedroom with a little “sexy cop” role-playing? Well, thanks to the recent injustices served to victims of senseless police violence, there’s no way it’s gonna have the same effect that it used to. Here are just a few examples of the “sexy cop” fantasies we loved that are now 100% ruined.


1. “Stopped for Speeding”

This sexy act-out would involve you in your car as your partner, dressed as a police officer, approaches. You coyly ask, “Oh, hello officer, is something the matter?” You get all hot and bothered until you realize you were actually a black male, and instead of a hot fuck you’d be harassed or physically abused based on no evidence and deeply ingrained historical prejudices! Now it’s hard not you imagine your partner taking you down and just bare-hands murdering you in a way that’s very much illegal. Talk about a bonerkill.



2. “Noise Compliants”

This time, your partner would arrive at your apartment and question you, looking mighty fine in that sexy uniform! This scenario is very hot, until you realize that black men have been arrested, assumed to be intruders in their own homes. In fact, it’s apparently totally legal in this country to shoot a black man if you simply suspect him of trespassing. Nothing says, “Put your clothes back on” like being randomly killed by the people who you pay to protect you!


3. The “Search Warrant”

It used to be sexy to imagine your partner showing up and demanding he “search your person.” You had some good times back then. But now when you whisper, “I’m innocent, officer,” you imagine you are a young black male and he knows that this is really your code for “choke me!” Wow, we all like a little choking, but this time you are literally dying! Your partner announcing, “I feel very bad about the death (or whatever)” does not count as justice and is very much not sexy.


Just because your sexy cop fantasies are ruined forever, doesn’t mean there isn’t hope! The one cop-related accessory we can still utilize is handcuffs, because when was the last time the police even used those?