Fingers Crossed That Quarantine Depression Will Cancel Out Upcoming Seasonal Depression

As summer flies by, people everywhere are holding out hope that the upcoming bout of seasonal depression will be canceled out by preexisting quarantine depression.


“I’m really banking on a no vacancy situation,” says Maribel Santana. “Because I don’t know if I can deal with doubling up right now, despondency wise.”


Others even dare fantasize that their mental health will be improved by the change of the seasons.


“Maybe being stuck inside my home won’t be as bad in the winter,” says Lizzie Cohen. “Maybe it will be cozy!”


“Yeah,” Cohen adds, the light visibly draining from her eyes, “maybe when it’s freezing, dark at 4:30 p.m., and I can’t hang out in the park, I’ll feel better.”


But for the most part, affected individuals are simply praying for a non-existent or imperceptible shift in depression and winter draws near.



“My logic is that there’s probably a certain amount of depression that my body can accommodate, so anything in excess will just be flushed out,” says Santana. “Like vitamins.”


“And if that isn’t the case, then maybe I can just figure out how to hibernate,” she adds. “Actually, while they’re working on the vaccine they should probably first just invent something that allows everyone to hibernate through this winter. Who should I talk to about that?”


“We just have to get through this stretch.”


A representative for the clinically depressed had no comment.