Jacqueline Finally Over Her Post-Breakup Depression And Back To Her Regular Depression

After a long seven months, Jacqueline Humphries has at last found her way out of her post-breakup depression and is now resting comfortably in her regular state of depression.


“I felt like I’d be stuck in that breakup funk forever,” said Humphries. “But I’m finally over it and back to being just regular ol’ depressed.”


Though she had been living with diagnosed depression for close to 15 years, Jacqueline’s difficult breakup threw her for a loop.



“I was doing pretty okay when I was only suffering from my typical, everyday ennui,” said Humphries. “So dealing with the deep depression stemming from getting dumped really fucked me up. I’m so thankful to be over it and back to my normal existential angst.”


She credits her recovery to her roommate, Dasha Lodvikov, who supported her through many nights of listening exclusively to Bright Eyes and eating Domino’s pizza.


“It was so hard seeing her depressed because of some stupid ex-boyfriend,” Dasha said. “But I was also like, oh my god finally I can relate to this! Her regular depression is seriously so boring. This was like ‘bring ice cream over in the middle of the night’ depression. I guess I’m glad that she’s back to being depressed because of her perpetual serotonin imbalance and not some shitty dude.”


When asked why she wasn’t also taking steps to combat her clinical depression, Jacqueline explained that it was essential to overcome her post-breakup sadness.


“After we split up, I spent a lot of time lamenting the fallacy of true love and wondering if I’d ever find it again,” she said. “But, the mental patterns that I’ve developed as a result of my persistent depression helped me to remember that none of that really matters and actually nothing matters because we’re all going to die in the end. Really glad I’m back to feeling crappy all the time but not about anything specific.”


Jacqueline also offered up some great advice to to someone looking to recover from a depressing situation and slip back into their already existent melancholic depression.


“I think my advice is just try not to let the specific sad situation take over your life,” she said. “Surround yourself with good people and think positive so you can go right back to thinking negative, which is your body’s status quo.”


Way to be true to yourself, Jacqueline!