Ultimate Ally? This Dude Is Whichever Wave of Feminist That Means He Doesn’t Have to Pay For Things

It’s not uncommon these days for men to identify as feminists, but local dude Henry Hellmann has taken his ally-ship to the next level. He doesn’t subscribe to restrictive first wave, second wave, or even third wave feminism movements, mostly because he can’t really remember which one is which. Instead, Henry passionately believes in, “whichever wave it is that makes it so that girls like, have to split shit with you.” Good on you, Henry!


“It’s really a no brainer when it comes to supporting women,” says Hellman. “Men and women should be paid the same so that when they go out, the woman can pay for her stuff, or pay for my stuff too. Ya know?”


Armed with an unfinished Gender Studies degree from Oberlin, Henry has explored at great lengths the history of feminist movements and their evolving role in the 21st century. He can’t remember which schools of thought dealt with what, but he does know that the last round of IPAs was $34 and that he’d LOVE to not have to cover that. Aw, gender equality is possible!



And while Henry understands that there are many complex and nuanced ways to interpret what it means to be a feminist, he’s such a staunch ally that he’s willing to see past the divides and forge his own path.


“Basically, all of these factions want the same thing: total equality for women so that they can also pay for shit and I don’t have to go broke while I’m going on a bunch of dates all the time.”


Recently, Henry sat outside a café with the collection of essays Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay. Though he did not open the book, he was pleased to find that it sparked many interesting conversations with nearby woman. After an “electric” conversation, one of these women purportedly ended up buying him a latte.


“Now that’s the kind of feminism I can definitely get into,” Henry said of the exchange.


He then went on to outline a new wave of Future Feminism where women pay for everything all the time. Talk about overthrowing the patriarchy! Thanks Henry!