If you coupled with a man for the coziest months of the year, it’s time to get him out of your home immediately. Since you have no need for your Seasonal S.O. now that the weather is nicer, it’s time to convince him there is no place for him in your life other than snuggling up by a fire with herbal tea and a movie. Here’s how to get him to leave your house so you can be free to post beach selfies without him asking, “Should we see what’s on Netflix?”
Open a window.
Let him breathe the warm breeze as you play a nonstop stream of summertime pop hits. He’ll feel the sun on his face as you whisper gently into his ear, “It’s time for you to go.” If he still doesn’t get the hint, wait until he inevitably develops a pollen allergy. When he goes out to buy tissues, change your locks!
Buy him a skateboard.
The only thing winter boyfriends love more than a fresh baked pie is a new sporting activity! Bring home a skateboard, a longboard or just a plywood dolly and before he learns how to brake, open the door and he’ll board right on out of your life.
Donate or store him with your sweaters.
It’s safe to assume your winter boyfriend loves all things cuddly, especially sweaters. And that’s why it’s time for him to go where the sweaters go. While there might not have been anything better than a boy in a sweater in February, it’s June now and the last thing you need is a chest full of wool in your bed. Put him into a storage container or drag him to Goodwill. If he tries to text you, send him a photo of the new sign on your door that says, “Life is Better at the Beach.”
Whisper his name three times into a conch shell.
You might have channeled your winter boyfriend with a cinnamon scented candle and a poem, but the only way to set him free is to whisper his name three times into a medium-sized, white conch shell. If you can’t remember his name, pick something like “Brady” or “Charlie” and it’ll probably still work. This will also summon a summer fling so, kill two man birds with one stone!
Congratulations! Now that your winter boyfriend is safely out of your home, you can move on to avoiding all emotional connections until Halloween while you hook up with a beach volleyball instructor whose parents have a summer house!