How to Break Up With Your Boyfriend When Your Boyfriend is TV

Breakups are never easy, but they’re even harder when you live with your boyfriend and he is in HD and full of endless troves of entertainment. How do you let go of a relationship with someone that always gives you what you want, but might be holding you back in life? Here are some tips for breaking up with your boyfriend when he also happens to be your television.


Don’t look directly at him.

You know it’s time to end this thing with your guy, but how do you break up with the only person who has been there for you for decades? Start by not looking directly at him during the breakup. Say what you need to say to him, that you need some space, and he just demands too much of your time. But if you look up and get one glimpse of that huge, flat head, with all its sexy right angles and RHONY reruns, you know you’re not going to be able to resist. His throbbing remote will just start calling your name and before you know it, you’re in too deep. Okay, try again after you watch the entire series of Shameless, both UK and US versions.


Tell him it’s not him, it’s you.

He’s a Smart TV, so it won’t be easy to lie to him. But maybe if he thinks it’s your fault, he’ll stop turning on randomly and playing all the old movies you used to watch together. He’ll stop reminding you of the good times where you watched Wedding Crashers twice because you missed the beginning and then it came on again, so you thought, “I’ll just watched the beginning again,” but you watched the whole thing. You’ll never get out of this co-dependednt relationship if he keeps bringing up all the snacks you ate together. Well, not together. You ate snacks and stared at him, but that’s how generous he is. He never made you share. He never asked for anything but your undivided attention for 12-18 hours on weekends and some (most) weeknights.


Don’t turn him on!

Whatever you do, don’t press that big button that he likes you to press. You know, the one at the top of the remote? He loves the way you turn him on, but you can’t fall into that trap again! Girl you have to get out of here before he convinces you to throw away your life on Dance Moms reruns. You’ve already seen these episodes, you know Maddie wins! You don’t need him!



Move Out

It’s impossible to have a healthy breakup if you are still living with your ex. And at the end of the day, it was your decision to end things, so it’s not really fair for you to ask him to leave. Pack your bags and give him the house. It’s time to start over somewhere new, somewhere without all the constant temptation. You can find something else to fulfill your needs and more, like books. Actually, you’re probably not good enough to be with a book, but who knows? Maybe one will want to slum it with you for a while. Either way, you have to get out of that place. You are only hurting yourself by staying there.


So if your boyfriend is TV, it might be time to dump him. Just make sure not to follow the same pattern and jump right into something with another TV. He may seem better because he connects to Netflix and Hulu, but you’ll soon see he’s just like your ex. You deserve better!