I never understood the root of my constant panic attacks, also known as “murdering people,” until the day that changed my life forever. Until then, I had felt like I was trapped in my own head, like I was crazy for feeling this way. I hoped that once I found the right treatment, my day murders would stop.
It had started as a coping mechanism to keep my mind off of my worries — a stabbing here, a throat-slit there — but it quickly spun out of control. First it was an ugly wanted man, then a good-looking catcaller, next, a creep on the bus, then a guy who yelled at my dog, eventually some lady didn’t hold the door for me at Yogurtland. Then I woke up one day and realized I was just murdering – without cause. It got to the point that I lost count of the bodies, sometimes burying one right on top of the other while the grave was still fresh – this is the kind of thing people with anxiety go through. People would say, “Snap out of it!” or “Why can’t you just stop?” or “Fucking shit oh shit you stabbed my neck oh fucking shit shit shit” – it’s this kind of stigma that keeps people with mental illnesses from seeking treatment.
Eventually, the allure of my day murdering totally consumed me. It was the opposite of zen. Eventually I realized I couldn’t do this forever. Was I really making enough time for self care? What will I do when I’m old and can’t stab as hard? It was time to find a healthier way to treat my anxiety, preferably something chemical—and arrest—free.
That’s when I heard about Himalayan salt lamps. Not only do they look super rad and instantly transform a living space, they also use positive ions to counteract the negative ions put out by electronics like your alarm clock or TV. After I murdered the whole staff of the New Age store in the mall, I took one home and plugged it in.
Within a few days of turning the lamp on, I started to feel lighter and calmer. Soon, I’d see an easy kill, like a spinster librarian hurrying home in the rain, and just check her out; not try to murder her. It’s so nice to be able to go to get through those long stressful workdays, knowing I won’t need to go out and murder on my lunch break just to cope – all thanks to this simple cute lamp!
If you suffer from anxiety, I highly recommend a Himalayan salt lamp. It’s calmed my tendency to day murder and totally transformed my attitude!
