REPORT: Woman Just Needs to Lie on Floor for an Hour and Then She’ll Be Ready to Go

Living

How to Explain What’s Going on With Twitter Right Now to Someone Who Does Not Want to Know

You are a bard, a messenger, a cultural translator and critic — all volunteer-based, but still!

Thoughts

How I Accepted My Flaws as Part of What Makes Me a Believable Character

I’m always going to be a little fucked up, because that’s what the average viewer likes to see.

News

REPORT: If You’re Gonna Pee I Might as Well Go Too

“Life is too short to spend so much of it wondering if you should go pee.”

Living

How to Sell Your Old Clothes as if You’re Ever Going to Do That

Still nice to know that this is an option, though!

Living

How to Drive at Night Even Though You Can’t See Shit

Oh, you should probably stop driving high, too!

Living

How to Explain Your Stoned Appearance by Telling People You Got Cum in Your Eyes

Ditch the Visine and just start telling everyone your eyes are irritated by ball juice!

Living

How to Read a Book Even Though It’s Not a Screen

You can feel superior to everyone else around you.

Thoughts

Why Public Transportation Needs to Be More Efficient Between Me and The Person I’m Fucking

I refuse to ever be stuck in a 20-minute train delay while wearing itchy lingerie again.

Entertainment

4 ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Stars Who I Didn’t Even Root for but Would Still Vote Into Congress Before Dr. Oz

The bar is in hell now.

Living

How to Show Your Friends a Picture of the Guy You’re Seeing Without Giving a Detailed Explanation of Why He’s Hot

You find him attractive – and that’s what’s important!

Living

How to Stop Watching TV in Bed So Your Body Knows It’s Just for Eating

Just make sure that the only thing you’re using your bed for is eating and leaving crumbs everywhere.

Love and Sex

How to Say Your Love Language Is Receiving Gifts Without Sounding Like a French Child-Prince

“But papa, I want un chateau!”

Living

5 Podcasts to Listen to When Walking Down the Aisle

You’re gonna need something to keep you entertained as you walk toward a life together with your betrothed.

News

Woman Crumbling Under Intense Pressure to Relax in Bath

“I was burning and surrounded by flames, much like actual Hell.”

Living

5 Alligators That May Be Crocodiles, We Don’t Give a Shit

Only Steve Irwin may ever really know.

Love and Sex

How to Be Poly Without Having a Conversation About It

They’ll all totally understand!

News

Woman Who Thought She Wanted Rough Sex Actually Just Wanted to Ride Space Mountain

“I just loved the idea of being in the dark and getting thrown around.”

Thoughts

Here’s Why Big Pharma Needs to Be Stopped, Unless They Start Making More Adderall

I am willing to turn a blind eye to all of the corruption if they make more of it, and fast.

Love and Sex

How to Walk Back Your Sexts Now That You’re Tired

You’ll be sure to walk back your sexy promises in no time and get some much-needed shuteye!

News

How Driving Twitter Into the Ground Could Be Elon Musk’s Only Positive Contribution to Society

The whole company might just go bankrupt before it has time to end democracy.

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RECENT POSTS

REPORT: Woman Just Needs to Lie on Floor for an Hour and Then She’ll Be Ready to Go

How to Explain What’s Going on With Twitter Right Now to Someone Who Does Not Want to Know

How I Accepted My Flaws as Part of What Makes Me a Believable Character

REPORT: If You’re Gonna Pee I Might as Well Go Too

How to Sell Your Old Clothes as if You’re Ever Going to Do That

How to Drive at Night Even Though You Can’t See Shit

How to Explain Your Stoned Appearance by Telling People You Got Cum in Your Eyes

How to Read a Book Even Though It’s Not a Screen

Why Public Transportation Needs to Be More Efficient Between Me and The Person I’m Fucking

4 ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Stars Who I Didn’t Even Root for but Would Still Vote Into Congress Before Dr. Oz

How to Show Your Friends a Picture of the Guy You’re Seeing Without Giving a Detailed Explanation of Why He’s Hot

How to Stop Watching TV in Bed So Your Body Knows It’s Just for Eating

How to Say Your Love Language Is Receiving Gifts Without Sounding Like a French Child-Prince

5 Podcasts to Listen to When Walking Down the Aisle

Woman Crumbling Under Intense Pressure to Relax in Bath

5 Alligators That May Be Crocodiles, We Don’t Give a Shit

How to Be Poly Without Having a Conversation About It

Woman Who Thought She Wanted Rough Sex Actually Just Wanted to Ride Space Mountain

Here’s Why Big Pharma Needs to Be Stopped, Unless They Start Making More Adderall

How to Walk Back Your Sexts Now That You’re Tired

How Driving Twitter Into the Ground Could Be Elon Musk’s Only Positive Contribution to Society