How to Drive at Night Even Though You Can’t See Shit

So often, we must drive in order to get from one place to another. And within this reality is the fact that we must drive when it’s nighttime, even though that’s crazy because the sun is gone, it’s dark out, and you can’t see shit. All the same, we can’t just abandon our cars wherever they’re parked at sunset, so here’s how to just drive at night even though you can’t see anything.


Use your lights, even though they don’t help.

Cars come with headlights specifically intended to aid in nighttime driving, so go ahead and use them, even though they are entirely inadequate for your purposes of “seeing the road ahead of you as you barrel at high speeds in a 3,000-pound metal machine”. Your headlights will sort of help to see directly in front of you. Of course, you won’t be able to see things like street signs, roadkill, or curves in the road until they are directly upon you and you’re in an absolute panic because you shouldn’t be operating deadly machinery without the sense of sight, but it’s slightly better than nothing!



Trust in God’s plan.

Even if you’re not religious, driving at night necessitates a willingness to let go and let God. Driving during the day makes all the sense in the world; your environment is crisply illuminated by the sun. You can see things! But driving at night — an insane act in which you hurdle at great velocities through the unseen and unknown — requires a great leap of faith. You can only see about five feet ahead of you, so release that need for control or “safety” and just stay present, only ever losing your cool to yell “asshole!” when someone passes by you with their brights on.


Accept the inevitability of death.

The most effective way to drive at night is by accepting that death comes for us all and is the most universal of human experiences. Instead of feeling panicked, stressed, and anxious while cruising through the crushing darkness of the night in a vehicle you became licensed to drive at age 16, embrace that you’re probably going to die. Then, if you make it home safely, you’ll arrive with a renewed sense of gratitude for every waking moment, even the ones where you’re screaming internally while gunning it blind down the freeway!


Use these tips to keep your cool and your confidence while driving at night, even though you absolutely can’t see shit and probably no one should be doing this. Oh, you should probably stop driving high, too!