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Thoughts
If Dick Is So Great, Why Can’t It Charge My Phone?
I won’t worship your dick if it’s not HDMI-compatible.
Living
How to Talk to Jen Without Agreeing to Co-Host A Podcast
Say that aloud to yourself: you do not have to do a podcast with Jen. Feels good, doesn’t it?
Living
5 Protein Smoothies That Will Give You Enough Energy to Log on to Twitter
The GOP is trying to ram another bill through the Senate? Take a sip!
Thoughts
I Have Combination Skin: Half Human, Half Big Fat Dog
Scientists are already banging on my door asking if they can study my fat fucking dog face.
Thoughts
I Haven’t Had Sex In So Long A Tumbleweed Rolled Out of My Vagina and An Old Man Stepped Out and Said, ‘Storm’s Blowin’ In’
When that old man crept on out of me with a hand-rolled cigarette in his mouth, I realized: Maybe it’s time to try Tinder again.
Love and Sex
QUIZ: What Kind of Girlfriend Are You Even Though You’ve Never Had A Serious Relationship?
Take this quiz to find out what kind of girlfriend you are, even though no one has ever actually asked you to!
