I Have Combination Skin: Half Human, Half Big Fat Dog

I’ve had acne for pretty much my entire life but only recently did I decide to do something about it. After two trips to the dermatologist and one afternoon in the facialist’s chair, I finally got some answers about my tricky situation. It turns out I have combination skin! And the combination is half human, half big fat dog.




My derm had to do a bunch of tests—everything from patch tests to asking me to run and fetch a ball. Then when the tests came back the results were actually just a resignation letter from the man at the lab saying that he had “seen enough” and had to leave. But at least I got some info—my face is part big fat fucking dog! It actually explains a lot!


Scientists are already banging on my door asking if they can study my fat fucking dog face, but the truth is, I look really shiny right now and just want to be left alone!


With my new diagnosis, I’ve been able to try out some new creams and they really seem to be working. They’re part retinol (which is great for cystic acne) and part flea treatment (because, yeah, my face is a dogs dumb big ass face). Get over it!


Luckily I have a really great support system. My friends laughed so much when they first found out but now they only laugh sometimes. I get it, though. My face is a dog, or at least a solid half of it is.



My mom, on the other hand, is being pretty weird and cagey. She always used to say that my dad was a “son of a bitch” but as it turns out that “bitch” was a big stupid Mastiff with a big fat fucking drooly face and stuff! Boooo! How am I just finding this out now?!


I don’t love the fact that I have dog skin, and that my face is a dog’s face, but I do accept that this is my life. Like any health concern, I’m just happy to be armed with information and knowledge. And when I find the right product for my face and skin, I’m sure I will ruff it. LOL!