The maxi dress trend isn’t going anywhere, and neither is that little street urchin who’s fearfully clutching your leg as you walk. Having dirty children hide under your clothing is an inevitable hazard of wearing the long billowing dresses they love to bury themselves in, but which tattered little rascal is using your maxi dress as a shelter against the harsh grownup world?
If you are wild and spontaneous:
Little Gilda of the Western Bluffs
Spirited Gilda has a deft physicality that is perfectly matched to your adventurous on-the-go lifestyle. You’ll recognize her by her brightly patterned patchwork dress, a collage of fabrics from distant lands sewn together with spider silk. She’ll spend most of her time gleefully swinging from your kneecaps, her tinny laughter just barely audible over the sound of your company picnic. Slip her a hot pepper once in a while—it’s her favorite treat!
If you are welcoming and maternal:
Nutmeg, the Gingerbread Child
You are the kind of person whom everyone wants to be around, which is what drew Nutmeg to you in the first place! This latchkey kid has a dusting of freckles and a wily grin, but don’t be fooled by his wicked cackle; he’s soft and gooey at the core, just like you! Let him play tricks on the family dog—it’ll drive them both wild with delight!
If you are a heartless despot:
Malice the Menace
If you have forsaken those you once loved in favor of wealth and status, you’ll be sure to find the crouching, emaciated Malice under your maxi dress. His pinched face and dirty tattered rags are the physical embodiment of your own soulless depravity, so be sure to treat him with compassion and understanding. He will come in handy for your future plots for self-advancement.
If you are quiet and sensitive:
While others might mistake your shyness for standoffishness, sweet Dewdrop recognized your true goodness right away. This urchin has been known to help butterflies fall asleep and whisper incantations to chipmunks. Stop and listen for a second, and you might just catch her soft-but-steady soprano floating out from under your skirt.
If your personality is as ever changing as the tides:
Thad and Stew, the Wayward Twins
Though identical, Thad and Stew are as different as night and day, which is perfect for your shifting moods. Stew likes sports; Thad likes books. Stew likes summer; Thad likes fall. You aren’t any one thing, which is the only reason these two were able to agree on your dress as their home. Let them snuggle against your insteps while you fold laundry. What a peaceful day for all!
So don’t be alarmed by the feathery touch on your leg or the faint sound of a panpipe at your feet; these roaming children mean you no harm. They are using this maxi trend to stave off adulthood, if only for a little while. After all, what child doesn’t love to sleep in a woman-shaped tent?