Fun Tops to Wear for the 5 Minutes You Stay at Parties

Let’s face it: when it comes social events, your crippling social anxiety has basically made you a walking Irish Goodbye. But since you have no immediate plans to change your ways, why not make your awkwardly short party appearances count with a killer sense of style? Next Friday when you’re deciding what to wear to the event that’s making you sweat profusely just thinking about it, consider these fun shirt options:


Bright Colors & Intricate Patterns

Wearing a busy shirt is an efficient way to pretend you are someone who enjoys going out and making eye contact. It’ll also help you make a splash before your social anxiety drives you back to your own apartment to binge-watch a cancelled CW show on Netflix. Whether it’s in a neon color or a dizzying print, choose a top that practically makes small talk for you. This time, you will for sure be spotted at Shelly’s going away party before you slowly tiptoe out the back door.




There’s nothing more fun than a tank top with fringe detailing, especially when you find out that there won’t actually be food until later and you need something to do with your hands (twiddle that fringe!). This kind of shirt looks so much like something an extrovert would wear that people might forget you’re a cripplingly shy introvert who ran out of things to say 30 seconds into the conversation.


A Printed Tank with a Funny Saying

When you rock an outrageous top, strangers at the party might assume you are a free spirit. That is, until they try to engage you in conversation and realize that you’re too anxious for any kind of spirit to make itself known through your darting eyes, anxiously looking toward the door.


An Off-the-Shoulder Top

A top this sexy will make your friends appreciate your style effort, even if watching your failed socializing attempts is physically painful to them. Bonus: this shirt looks just as good from the back as it does the front, so you’re giving the party guests a true fashion gift as you frantically hail a cab before the cake has even come out.


A Sleek Tunic Tank

Ooh, are you a confident professional or what? No, no you’re not. You shelve books at a bookstore with headphones on. But your crisp tunic implies that you frequent places where interacting with other human beings is the standard! This freshly pressed number will do its best to make you appear together while you lean up against a wall near the sangria and notice that it’s only 9:36.


Remember, you may never enjoy large social gatherings for more than a few minutes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dress like you do!