I Watch Figure Skating Once Every 4 Years But Trust Me, I’m An Expert

The Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang begin in just a few weeks and one thing’s for sure – I’m going to have a ton of opinions about the figure skating. It’s by far my favorite Olympic event and I can’t wait to talk about it. Yes, it’s true that I only watch figure skating once every four years, but trust me – I’m an expert and I fucking dare you to challenge me on that.


Figure skating is practically in my blood. I grew up literally dying to try figure skating but never did because my mom could never drive me. It didn’t matter. I knew from the moment I watched Tara Lapinski at the 1998 Olympics that I was hooked. And I instantly developed a knack for talking about all the technical terms – the triple lutz, the double axel, the spinny thing – I can talk about it all. I’ve watched figure skating once every four years since then, which basically makes me an expert compared to everyone else who doesn’t care at all about figure skating.


It wasn’t until a couple years ago when I was watching TV at the dentist that I realized there was figure skating on the rest of the year. I don’t really watch the other competitions though because it’s not the Olympics and it’s super boring and nobody cares. As an expert, I know this well.


But I DO follow a bunch of figure skaters on Instagram so let’s just say, I get it! I know when they’re guest starring on TV shows, posting makeup tutorials, or when they’re doing #sponsoredposts, I keep track of all of the figure skaters who are definitely going to the Olympics, and none of the other ones. I’m basically qualified to coach.


Oh my god remember when Mckayla Maroney was #notimpressed? Oh my god, that was so funny. An iconic moment for all the figure experts out there, including me.



Did you know that figure skating has a dark side? It’s super tied up in race and class and remains an endeavor that’s fairly unattainable for those without money or sponsors. I learned that from I, Tonya, a movie with which the figure skating aficionados like me will be familiar. I loved that movie so much although, if you can believe it, I somehow was in the bathroom during all the skating scenes! What?! So weird.


Anyway, I couldn’t be more excited for the Olympics. I’m going to have so much to say about the skater’s performances, technique, music choices, weight, and overall look. I watch once every four years, so I think I know a little something about it!


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