In response to a record-breaking premiere weekend, the FBI has added the cast of Black Panther to its domestic terror organizations watch list.
“It is our understanding that the cast of this film has raised over $235 million for their efforts to spread their black extremist message,” said FBI director Christopher Wray. “That is not something that we can tolerate.”
Sources report that A-list celebrities Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan and Lupita Nyong’o have been added to the watch list, with little justification other than seeming “suspicious.”
“It’s an imperfect process,” says one source within the FBI. “But if anything uses the words ‘black’ and ‘panther’ we’re all over it.”
Both members of the cast and members of the actual Black Panthers have expressed confusion at the maneuver.
“I don’t understand why I’ve been put on a watch list,” said Lupita Nyong’o, who played Nakia. “It has nothing to do with the Black Panther Party. Has anyone at the FBI even seen it?”
“I’m an actor, not an actual Black Panther,” said Michael B. Jordan, who has witnessed several unmarked vehicles parked outside of his residence in Sherman Oaks, CA. “With all due respect, the FBI is wildin’. Did they even see the movie?”
“As inhumane and biased as the FBI’s actions toward the BPP have been in the past, this is a grave injustice,” added playwright, professor, and former Black Panther Jamal Joseph. “It just seems like they are being watched as a result of our government’s ongoing campaign against anyone who celebrates blackness. Also, has anyone at the FBI seen the film?”
But the FBI has remained firm in their stance.
“The Bureau will not bend to the will of those who choose to be linked to domestic terrorist organizations,” iterated Michael P. Kortan. “We have an obligation to monitor those individuals and maintain the safety of our great country.”
He added: “I haven’t seen the film yet but it looks fucking awesome.”
