Spring has sprung, along with an onslaught of bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and dress fittings for summer weddings. While the bridal party is typically responsible for organizing these events, a local group of bridesmaids have taken matters into their own hands and formed a labor union in anticipation for the upcoming wedding rush.
“We’ve been working around the clock without any breaks or compensation,” says serial maid of honor Taylor Richards, whose best friend Ellie is getting married on June 7th. “Never mind overtime for the unexpected bridal meltdowns.”
“I’ve already booked tables at four clubs and bought, like, 16 dildos,” complains one bridesmaid. “And then I had to write an endearing song about Sheryl and Vince to the tune of Adele’s ‘Rumour Has It’ to sing at her rehearsal dinner.”
“I didn’t even get bathroom breaks.”
Bridesmaids have petitioned for benefits like health insurance, after three ladies broke their ankles at a bachelorette party last March when they slipped on an ice patch outside a bar. The women were intoxicated and wore pink tiaras with matching stilettos that measured 4” high.
“All our lives we’ve been promised that there will be a wedding lined up for us one day,” another bitter bridesmaid said. “But I’m 37 and single, and still working for free.”
When asked what the ultimate goals are by forming a union, Richards got defensive. “This is one of the few areas where people are expected to work for no compensation. Interns wouldn’t work this hard. We’re like slaves – slaves with really, really expensive dresses.”